I received the news a friend of mine from my single years in Boston had died. I don't think I could ever adequately describe the incredible person that was Christy Parry because words just don't seem big enough. They can't capture the length and breadth and depth of how kind, loyal, faithful and generous she was. Writing them even now they just seem like a joke. I'm trying to describe the Taj Mahal using Legos. She was magnificent and as much as she loved others, she was loved so very much in return.
It hit me hard. I mean really hard. My parents are not aging well and I often feel I'm drowning from the emotional burden. This may sound callous, but I kind of needed a funeral. Christy and I hadn't stayed close since I left Boston but this niggling feeling deep inside me said I needed to be there. My dear friend Crystal offered to put me up so I found a flight and bought it. As my departure date neared, Crystal updated me on the plans for the service and it seems I wasn't the only one getting that niggling feeling.
Lesson #1- How I Love That Dirty Water
I was seated on the right side of the plane so I got a fantastic view as we circled Boston to land. There it was splayed out in front of me- the waterfront, the Back Bay, the Charles River. My gosh it made me happy to see my old haunts again.
We made another 90* turn and there was Southie- where I used to walk along the beach and wonder about my future.
I didn't know much about Boston before moving there but I knew it was a big, sophisticated city and I needed to grow up and have some adventures. Well, I have to say I picked right because Boston fit me to a T (pun). Rubbing shoulders with the Harvard/MIT crowd and handy access to a large airport, I gained a lot of courage and found myself in Boston. I love the city so much for the role it played in my life.
Lesson #2: There is Joy in Aging
Honestly I was a little worried about not looking my best but obviously true friends don't care about that kind of thing. Everyone was a little fluffier, greyer, and crow's feet were the common accessory.
Lesson #3: You Can Know People Hundreds of Ways
Crystal's life has moved on since I moved away, but she is still so very Crystal. They had just moved to a new home and there were still moving boxes and unfinished projects. Of course Crystal would use a company called Intelligent Labor and Moving.
This note to one of her sons just made me smile. Even with something as unpredictable as children, she's still... I dunno, CRYSTAL! But I got to see her in a different light. Hands down one of the highlights of this trip was seeing her and Chris as parents. She is fantastic and it made me love and admire her even more.
Lesson #4: Time Really Does Heal (Almost) All Wounds
One Sunday I was really struggling and walking down these stairs when Mitt Romney happened to be walking up. Politicians are generally friendly to everyone but on this day perhaps he was having the same kind of day I was because he said nothing to me. I called my sister Reagan crying that even Mitt didn't say hi to me... Mitt!
She's brought that up several times since then in jest and now that I was once again walking down those stairs I had to chuckle. It's funny now.
Lesson #5: Friends are a Gift
We were there very early because Crystal was playing the organ (which she had stayed up past midnight practicing) and they were bringing food for the luncheon after. Having snagged a seat, people started trickling in. No, not just people- dear friends I hadn't seen in far too long.
The pandemic really created some divides and there were friendship breakups that happened. In retrospect, I see how good that was for me and I realized there are some people I just felt I was a constant disappointment to and who gossiped behind my back. As the saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
Seeing so many friendly faces who take me exactly as I am and are cheering me on now and always was much-needed balm of Gilead. I felt so buoyed to be among these good people again.
My old Bishop and his sweet wife seem even wiser now as I move into the stage of life they were at when I lived in Boston. So many people mentioned my Christmas cards and that warmed the cockles of my heart.
Lesson #6: Cry When You Need To
During the service I bawled and bawled and bawled. There were around 400, some who had flown in from Oregon, New Mexico, Utah, Germany and Italy. Our small ward is thin on singing, so when the opening hymn came with thunderous voices joining in perfect harmony, my entire body was filled to the brim with the Spirit. Oh how I have missed good music!
Afterward, everyone else headed to the luncheon and I headed to the temple for some much-needed solitude. I found a bench around the back and there let out all my mourning and sorrows in heaving sobs and a torrent of tears. I mourned not just Christy but death and decay and my parents and loss and endings and feelings of hopelessness. I don't think I have ever cried that hard in my life. My head pounded and my heart hurt but it was good.
I walked the temple grounds before heading back. This is where I became a temple worker and really committed those covenants and ordinances to memory. It was cathartic and nostalgic all at once.
Christy's sister was there. She looked a lot like her and even though she didn't know me, she squeezed my shoulder as she walked by. It was like she knew I really needed it and man did I ever! Christy was cremated and several people have agreed to secretly spread her ashes in different museums around the world she had visited and loved. How cool is that? There were bookshelves set up with an invitation to take a few so I grabbed a couple I knew and one I did not.
All those who had come from the Longfellow Park wards.
The rest of the day was spent hanging out with different groups of friends. We went for a walk to the old Longfellow Park building and by the Charles. It was like being in a dream. Those places are so familiar yet so strange to me now since my lens of life has changed so drastically.
The discussions were so different as well. We all used to be so worried about finding that eternal companion and starting our families. Everyone has that in hand now in one way or another. Our worries have changed and they are somehow deeper and heavier. I found we got down to those deep and heavy conversations at lightning speed. I dunno, maybe as we age we eschew the tendency to tap dance around the real issue. We talked real and sincere and hugged and cried some more.
Crystal played Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on the organ in the way only Crystal can. My gosh I love that girl. I want to have her in my life forever. We stayed up until almost 3AM talking and crying and talking some more. Bra's off, laying in bed just chatting. That's the kind of friend she is. The you-don't-need-a-bra-around-me kind of friend. And those are the best. I'm an introvert and an entire day of talking to so many people left me depleted. But I wanted to talk to Crystal just a little bit more.
She's the kind of girl who plays an organ version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. That's Crystal.
I thought I hated my single years. But now it hit me how I really found my tribe here back then. I discovered the person I wanted to be. Now I realize my single years were so precious and golden. Going to Boston for Christy's service was the best decision I've made in a long time because I found myself again. It was truly beauty from ashes.
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