Tales from the Trenches: Mommyhood

This episode is brought to you by Silence. They say silence is golden and your chances of having silence today are the same as your chances of getting all the gold in the world. Silence: get some... even though it's utterly impossible for us Moms.

Liesel has been getting increasingly sassy. Throwing me dirty looks, contradicting me, mouthing off, etc. This has all escalated in recent weeks. Today I had a luncheon with my visiting teachers so the babies went down for a late nap and were still fast asleep as the time neared for Liesel's bus pick-up. I texted my dear, sweet neighbor Kim to see if she'd be willing to meet Liesel along with her own son. Typically Kim responds right away and when I hadn't heard for a while, I knew I'd need to wake the babies up and get everyone out the door.

Staring down the barrel of the witching hour, I decided to make it more manageable by taking the girls to the park. Everyone could get good and tired and then go down early. Brigitta was thrilled- she lives for the park. Upon collecting Liesel from the bus, I was encountered with the same bratty attitude I've been getting on a daily basis. As we headed towards the park, I told Liesel if she whined one more time, we would not go to the park.

After parking, I noticed I had a text message from Kim apologizing for not seeing my message (she'd been watching the Baltimore riots on tv and then left for the bus stop without her phone). I texted her back letting her know it was okay and thanking her for saving my bacon on countless other occasions and just before I hit "send", Liesel popped her head up to the front of the car and snidely asked, "Can we GO already?" That. Was. The. STRAW!!!! That was the straw that broke the mama's back. I ordered her back in her seat and headed for home.

Brigitta was acutely aware of what was going on and started bawling. Seriously, that girl loves the park. Every time she asked why we left the park, I told her to ask Liesel for an explanation. Liesel then made the grave mistake of insisting it wasn't her fault, it was MY fault and well, around that point I told Liesel to decide if she wanted a spank or to sit on her bed until Dad was home from work. For whatever reason, the nasty torrent of disrespect continued to gush out of Liesel's mouth and I vengefully announced she would be getting BOTH a spank and time out on her bed.

Once we were home, I didn't even wait until we were in the house. I spanked Liesel hard the second she stepped out of the car. Oddly enough, she seemed surprised by it but she quickly ran up to her room to do time on her bed. I calmly arranged snacks for the little ones and then went up to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with Liesel.

Oh I was livid!!! Even remembering the whole thing makes me see red. I unleashed a fury of pent up anger and frustration on that tiny blonde 7-year-old. I can't remember everything that I said, but I do remember screaming about how I carried her for 9 1/2 months and then lived through the most painful labor OF MY LIFE to bring her into this world and then she talks to me like I am her servant. "I AM YOUR MOTHER!!!!" I shrieked into her terrified face. "I DESERVE RESPECT!!!!!" The verbal assault continued as I demanded to know where exactly she had gotten the idea it was okay to talk to me like that. With tears streaming down her face, she insisted she didn't get it from anywhere.

I heard the door to Liesel's room open and in my periphery I saw Brigitta timidly wandering in to see what was going on. I roared for her to get out and she immediately obliged. My rant continued as I threw open Liesel's closet and yelled at her to look at all the beautiful clothes she had neatly hanging. My screaming reverberated off the ceiling and walls as I reminded her that I'M the one who makes sure she's always dressed nicely. I pointed out her beautiful room and reminded her I make sure she is fed well every day. When I had exhausted every point of motherly angst, I let Liesel know that if she does this kind of thing in the future, it will be a spank AND time out on her bed.

My face was bright red from screaming; Liesel's was bright red from crying. She apologized for her behavior and I told her she needed to apologize to her sisters as well, since she was the one who made them miss out on the park. Opening her door, Liesel found little Brigitta was waiting just outside- she'd listened to the whole thing. On her knees, so she would be at eye level, Liesel sobbed that she was sorry we didn't go to the park because she behaved badly.

Brigitta cupped Liesel's cheek and gently said, "Oh honey, it's okay" and threw her arms around her big sister to comfort her.

While I went to bed feeling like a horrible mom (albeit one who doesn't tolerate sassing), I was also comforted by Gita and her sweet love for her sister. Maybe my parenting will send the girls to a lifetime of therapy, but at least they'll have each other to help them through it all.