The Christmas That Broke Me

I usually begin prepping for Christmas around July. Nothing in earnest, I just start tuning in a little more to my conversations with the girls and my family about what interests them. Listening for hints of something that might make a good gift down the road. I start pricing things out and if there is a good sale, take the plunge. This is also when I start hiding said gifts and inevitably every year I forget where I cleverly hid them. I start thinking about our Christmas card- my favorite part of the holidays! It's subtle at first, but builds as the year goes on. Putting up decorations is exhausting. Brent is "bad" at wrapping so I do all of it, all the while suspicious that he could learn but just doesn't want to. I fret over the budget and inevitably splurge on something that will make the holidays just right. It's a Herculean amount of work making the holidays magical for everyone. 

So when the girls started bickering first thing on Christmas morning, I gently told them to stop. Almost as if I didn't even exist, they went right back to bickering and again, I told them to stop. Things quieted a bit and yet again, they went back to the inane argument they were having and something inside me snapped. I stormed into the room and screamed at them. I had put in SO much work and if they were going to be so ungrateful, we would not be opening presents that morning- not even stockings. They could eat the breakfast that Brent was preparing, but that's it. I was cancelling Christmas morning. 

The girls sullenly sat through breakfast as I fumed more and more. I ordered them back to bed- obviously they didn't get enough rest while Brent and I talked about what to do. We considered not ever having them open their gifts. We also considered opening their gifts in front of them and then returning them. We'd planned an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge and we called to see if we could get a smaller room, just for us, so we could leave the girls home to think about their atrocious behavior. Liesel overheard us and reported to the girls that ok, this was legit, we were REALLY mad. They approached us for an apology and I laid out how much work I'd put into making Christmas an incredible day for them. Yet they couldn't even refrain from fighting for one day to make sure I had a good Christmas. We sent them all back to their rooms.

Of course it was a Sunday so we had church right smack dab in the middle of this mess. We sat stonily in our pew and quickly left after it was over. At home we told the girls to change and said fine, go enjoy your stockings. Normally we have a fire in the fireplace and play Christmas music. Instead we let it be awkward and quiet- only throwing out a comment about how I'd searched for that item months ago, I put a lot of thought into it. We moved to the Christmas tree to go through the same thing. Normally whoever just got a gift gets to select the next person to get a gift. When they tentatively offered me one, I tossed it to the side. I didn't want gifts, I just didn't want them to fight on Christmas day and that was already shot. Some of them cried. I refused to take any photos. I did not want photographic evidence of this day.

Perhaps I should have fallen on the sword and pushed aside the fact that the girls were being selfish and scrambled to make sure they had a magical Christmas in spite of everything. With Brent's support, I took a different approach that hopefully with stick in their brains for all time. I truly believe that by and large, people only treat you as badly as you allow them to. I never again wanted to spend Christmas morning listening to my girls fight when I have worked SO HARD to make everything lovely! Brent and I decided to make sure the girls knew they had not just crossed a line, they were so far beyond the line it was hideous. We are hopeful that this will never, EVER happen again, not just at Christmas, but at any major occasion. Remember the time you ruined Christmas with your fighting? Remember how that turned out? Stop. Just STOP!!!

We gave them the remainder of the day to toe the line and if they could control themselves, we would still go to The Great Wolf Lodge. But if they couldn't resist fighting, not only was that off the table but a possible Disneyland trip was as well. No way would we spend the thousands of dollars that trip takes if they were just going to fight. 

It was the saddest Christmas I've ever had. It completely broke my heart.