I learned long ago that daytime TV is pretty bad. Actually, it wasn't all THAT long ago... it was when I broke both my arms a last year. It was in March and I was on heavy medication. The icy conditions, my injuries and my fuzzy head would have been a lethal combination outdoors so I was stuck on the couch. Even on percocet I knew what basic cable had to offer during the day was simply awful. Now that I find myself once again at home while everyone else trudges off to work I'm faced with the abysmal choices of daytime TV. I don't always watch the proffered programs, but Liesel's daycare suggested we keep a constant strain of noise around her. That way she'll be able to sleep through other kids crying and such. Sooo I'm once again reminded of how bad it gets, even if it's just snippets at a time.When Liesel requires an early morning feeding I don't mind the news at say 4 or 5 AM. It actually makes me feel sharp as I listen to how the Dow is doing, what the traffic report is calling for and what's happened in other parts of the world as I slept. This is the news for serious businessmen. From there it degenerates hour by hour into anecdotal local news and celebrity gossip. Then there are the morning shows. I just have to walk away from those. Kathy Lee Gifford is no more entertaining now than she was when she was paired with Regis. And Regis is clearly not as charmed with the irritatingly skinny Kelly as the audience. And Kelly needs to stop making smart little jokes about Oprah.
Mid-day is my only respite with the People's Court-type shows. I love the women judges who scream at the low-lifes. The litigious people and the defendants always seem to be blithely unaware that the judge has already READ the case. She knows the answers to the questions she's asking them, she's just checking to see how HONEST they are. Oh, and judges hang out with other judges. Duh!!! I especially can't help but smile when the judges jump down the throats of the deadbeat dads.
"Do you have children?"
"Yes I do Sir... I mean Ma'am. A 3-year-old with my ex-wife."
"Aaaaaand are you up to date on your child support?"
"Uhhhh, I recently moved and...."
"I didn't ASK if your address had changed, I ASKED if you're up to date on your child support! This is a simple yes or no question!!!"
"No Sir, I'm a little behind."
"So you don't have time to find yourself a job to take care of your child but you have time to get yourself a girlfriend, convince HER to pay $2000 for your teeth whitening and then crash her car outside a casino? Ruling is in favor of the plaintiff... get him out of my courtroom bailiff!"
Love it, love it, LOVE it!
I think the worst part in all this has to be the commercials because they're the SAME ones day in, day out. There are the ones for technical colleges. Then there's the "Have you been injured in an accident?" ones (when I broke my arms I was tempted to call and see if I could get
any money for tripping over my own feet). The I Ching of bad commercials is the one for Empire. At the end they have two big-headed cartoon guys. One of them is putting up blinds while the other lays hardwood floors in half the room and carpet in the other half. A couch slides in at the end with a dog on it. Who is stupid enough to do a room with half hardwood and half UGLY carpet? And since when is a pet on the couch adorable (hello hair?). Not to mention the big heads... it's just creepy. The jingle at the end is the worst and I rush to mute it every time it comes on. Whoever is in charge of THAT Marketing Department needs to be fired. It's probably someone with a very big head and a dog that permanently lives on the couch *shudders*
any money for tripping over my own feet). The I Ching of bad commercials is the one for Empire. At the end they have two big-headed cartoon guys. One of them is putting up blinds while the other lays hardwood floors in half the room and carpet in the other half. A couch slides in at the end with a dog on it. Who is stupid enough to do a room with half hardwood and half UGLY carpet? And since when is a pet on the couch adorable (hello hair?). Not to mention the big heads... it's just creepy. The jingle at the end is the worst and I rush to mute it every time it comes on. Whoever is in charge of THAT Marketing Department needs to be fired. It's probably someone with a very big head and a dog that permanently lives on the couch *shudders*Why oh why does daytime TV have to be so bad???
P.S. Posted by Danika under Brent's sign in.
6 comments:
Curse you. Now I have the "1-800-Em-Piiiiiiiiire" jingle running through my head. May a thousand monkeys rain banana peels on your couch.
I was trying to think how it is that I don't have this same drama in my day.
TIVO - Because of TIVO, I have relatively no idea what goes on for daytime tv. I have Pride and Prejudice on TIVO, and the Office, and "'Til Death" and then a whole slew of kids programming.
The best part? Ahhh, you can fast forward through any commercials! Don't have to watch another one. I have to laugh at my tivo'd "Sword in the Stone" from the Disney Channel which still has ads for "Aquadots".
LOLOL!!! I have actually been witness to your revoltion of this very commercial. You reminding me just made me laugh!
Along side the law firm and career college ads, you forgot the ads for HOT LINKS! They show a really hot girl rolling around on a bed saying, "I'm bored as crap! Gimmie a CALL." Always the come hither smile.
Someone out there is making LOTS of money off of toothless people at home calling Hot Links.
By the way, I love Judge Marion too. (Marion? Maria? Can't remember.) Between her and Judge Judy I feel the collective feminist power surge.
Love you!
Your re-creation of the judge shows made me laugh so hard. "I SAID GOOD DAY!! Bailiff, take this scum from my courtroom."
When I would work during the day, Reagan would always chat with me and tell me what was going on on Judge Judy or on Forensic Files. She was always like "OHH MY GOSH!!! He totally killed his wife AND his wife's mother!! And he chopped up their bodies in the bathtub!! Holy crap, they caught him because he left a bloody earring in the bathtub drain!" I loved every minute of it, and wished I could be home watching Judge Judy myself.
I would like to give another AMEN out for TIVO. Lisa and I were watching a show together and before we realized it 3 commercial had gone by and we were still watching. Lisa sits up in bed and says "Holy crap, we are watching commercials. Isn't this show recorded? I DON'T DO COMMERCIALS ANYMORE!
As a side note, I recently read an article in the WSJ that advertising companies are aware of TIVO people like us and are starting to design commercials for TIVO viewers. Talk about advertising your product in 1.6 seconds or less!
I agree with what Katrina said. This is why you need to upgrade to a DVR. Do you need one? We have an old one from when we were in Pittsburgh.
Better yet, you can get FIOS which comes with a DVR and more channels than you will every watch running all the time...hmmm....that might mean you don't need the DVR after all. Of course, it costs and then you turn your child into a TV zombie--you've seen our kids, no?
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