If I could do high school over again I'd take the auto mechanic class offered at City High. As a teenager I erroneously assumed that course was only for grease monkeys without enough brains and determination to pursue higher education. Obviously I was going to better myself and contribute to society at a white-collar level so that course wasn't for me. Well, I can tell you I don't remember a dang thing from my trig class. I know sine, cosine and there's another one but I couldn't tell you what they're for. I think they spin in circles or something and you graph them to prove... something. The auto mechanic class on the other hand? That's something I bet I'd use at least twice a week at least! Not that I'm completely ignorant when it comes to cars. If something is wrong I know it's either gas or electrical. Get the oil changed regularly and don't grind the engine if it doesn't start right away. Cold weather is the death of many a battery. Righty tighty, lefty loosey. So yeah, not completely ignorant. In my lifetime I've actually spent quite a bit of time in hardware and auto parts stores. When my mother had occasion to frequent a True Value or Napa Auto Parts store she'd have me brush my hair and put on some lip balm. She insisted she received better customer service when I came along.
I've taken my cues from my mother and when something minor goes wrong with the car I prefer to buy the part and figure it out myself. After all it's a car, not rocket science. Recently the driver's side headlight burned out on our Nissan so I was off to AutoZone. How hard could it be? Right. First I couldn't figure out how to get the hood to stay up. I looked and looked for the wire thingy that would keep it from crashing down on my head to no avail. After a bit of investigation I figured out how to screw off the socket. Then there was the matter of getting the old light bulb itself out of the casing. Not so easy. There was a plastic piece that said "PUSH" with an arrow. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I pushed longer than I did giving birth to Liesel and this thing didn't budge.
My frustration was rising as the sun slipped lower and lower in the sky and I b
alanced the hood on my back while I worked. Finally I resorted to a screwdriver to help wedge the thing out.
alanced the hood on my back while I worked. Finally I resorted to a screwdriver to help wedge the thing out. Caveat: the few times I worked one on one with my dad in the garage I was introduced to a whole symphony of four letter words. Generally a pious man, he swore like a longshoreman when working on one of the cars. It was not a bit perplexing and somewhat frightening to see him this way and I never quite understood why it happened when he worked in the garage. Lucky for me, Dad was somewhat sexist and it was usually the boys who had to change the oil and replace the brakes. Girls could stay in the house with Mom.
Back to the headlight. My anger with the light bulb hit a fevered pitch and I started muttering under my breath. Then I let out short bursts of profanity like I had tourrettes. Finally I mustered all my strength and screamed "YOU! PIECE! OF! MONKEY! $#@*!!!!" and out popped the lightbulb.
I guess I understand a little better why Dad swore whenever he worked on a car. My only regret is I could have learned that back in high school.
5 comments:
lol this reminds me of the first time i changed the headlight on my subaru. that took about an hour. after i did it once, though, it was easy peasy.
You know...if you look cute enough and desperate enough at the auto parts store, one of the guys who works there will usually volunteer to do the minor things (lightbulbs, windshield wipers, fluids) for you.
Guess you're just not cute enough. I'll have to give lessons.
;)
Silly wabbit, that's what the auto mechanic employees are for! Just worship them for their knowledge and they will come out, show you how it's done, and then you can reward them with a huge smile, a gracious "Thank You" and avoid swearing altogether. ;D
Great story! You've stumbled upon one of the greatest Man-secrets in history;
While attempting to repair any household or mechanical device and said device becomes difficult or stops functioning properly, always remember that profanity or "dirty-talk" can give device proper motivation to work with you.
HAHA! This made me laugh out loud, simply because I can hear your voice calling a headlight a piece of monkey poo. Even typing it makes me laugh all over again! I agree with Libby and Katrina though....it took me several years to swallow my pride out of pure laziness and selfishness with time on my part. But you just HAVE to act like a complete ditz, smile your biggest smile and when you purchase it say something like "You wouldn't be able to show me how to put this in would you? I have a long drive home and I want to have both headlights....I do have baby in the car" I promise it'll work every time!
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