ObamaCare Unemployment

I've been laid off. Unless you've been following the political process very closely, you're probably unaware that with the passage of the health care reconciliation bill came another change which directly affected the student loan industry. As of July 1, 2010 all federal loans will be originated by the federal government rather than the private sector. Obama and the Dems have been pushing for this change for years based the purported "savings" it will generate. I won't launch into a tirade on that here... there's just not enough time in my day. Since I worked in the private sector, this legislation of course directly affected my job and I was notified on Wednesday that was my last day of employment with my company.


Truth be told, I wasn't going to return after my maternity leave anyway. Now I get severance which is a huge blessing to our family after the years we struggled trying to get the Arizona house sold. Brent and I are already debt free and can live on just his salary so really, this is good news. I'm excited to stay home with my girls rather than outsource their upbringing.

On the flip side, I've had a job since I was 11. I keep telling myself I'm just changing jobs and I'm now CEO of our household. However, the future is very cloudy without that steady schedule I thrive in. Aside from my father, I've never depended on a man for money. Brent is anything but machismo but I can't help feeling a shift knowing he alone will be bringing in the income. He's feeling the pressure too. Between the new baby and this, it's a lot of changes in a short amount of time.

I am extremely disappointed in our current federal government. While we will be fine and able to make it work, something seems wrong about a president who encourages a change which puts people out of a job... especially in this economy. In a recent interview with the Washington Post, Secretary of Education Arne Duncan stated this change wouldn't create a job loss, but actually an increase in jobs. May I present Exhibit A? Sorry if I can't help but feel these men are tragically out of touch.

Nonetheless, it's a whole new chapter in my life. I have no choice but to fix bayonets and charge ahead.

That's the Way to Go

A week ago my company had layoffs. Aside from the uptick in gossip and paranoia, the effect of all this has me thinking about how I'd like to make my exit. Obviously I hope to stay in my job as long as possible. It took me a long time to get where I am and I truly love my job. However, if I have to go I hope they send me out Tyra Banks style on ANTM. I imagine it would go something like this:
I have two associates standing before me but only one paycheck in my hand. Let's take you first Danika. You're the beauuuuuutiful girl with the color-coded outlook calendar and perfectly organized task list. Other client managers look at you and think, "Damn! I had no idea a spreadsheet could be used that way." You consistently receive rave reviews from your clients. But the company thinks we can't afford your salary anymore. (that last sentence would be said very slowly for dramatic effect).

*I would then nod silently while pathetic tears fill my eyes*

Then there's you Bob from ISD. Mr Jay tells me you haven't showered in a week which tells the panel you don't really care much about this job. Your lack of innovation made Danika's world a very hard place to be at times. She had to explain to her clients why the system wasn't working properly and why their students wouldn't get their disbursements as planned. This is something that didn't just happen once, it happened time and time again. (that last sentence would be said almost in a whisper for dramatic effect).

*Bob's probably never seen ANTM and has no idea what's going on so his eyes fly wildly all over the room trying to compute it all*

So who stays? The girl with the stellar reviews? Or the superfluous stinky guy? (Okay, so Tyra's never used the word superfluous but work with me here)

Then they'd drop the bomb. If I go, I get to make final comments through a shower of tears about how much I appreciated the opportunity to work for the company and how it just inspired me to be better. Then I'd promise this wouldn't be the last you'd see of me. I'd also figure out a way to disconnect the ice machine for all those people who hogged it all while I was employed there. If I get to stay, they'd tell me I'm still in the running to be America's Next Student Assistant. It'd almost be worth getting laid off if they'd do it like that!

Men Are From Home Depot, Women Are From Vera Wang

What should I wear?

I pose this question to Brent in regards to the children's Christmas party at his work. He responds dismissively, "It's Saturday so just something comfortable... jeans." Hmmmm, he mentioned Santa was going to be there. While I realize I'm pretty new at this whole parenting thing, I recall being amazed at how well-dressed the children at the mall were waiting to sit on Santa's lap. It's a photo op. Some parents even make ornaments out of them. Kind of a big deal.

Are you sure? There aren't going to be kids in like, super nice outfits are there?

Again, Brent dismissively assures me it's SATURDAY which is code for casual. I quickly decide on my own outfit: skinny jeans, high heals and my fuzzy pink sweater which is carefully stowed in a plastic bag for much of the year. I throw my hair in a chignon and put on only light makeup. I'm trying to convey the message that I'm impossibly put together for the mother of an 8-month old and my husband's success extends well beyond his position there at work. Then I consider Liesel's outfit. Something festive for sure. I settle on a red sweater with jeans and then fearing she'd look too much like a boy, I throw on her red and white lace socks. To top it off (pun intended), I force her into the scratchy Santa hat we bought on a whim at Target a week ago. As I strap Liesel into her car seat Brent comes out with no coat. He's always insisting he runs hot and I'm always begging him to blend with the crowd and cover up. This time I also remind him his work is located in the seaport district where it's always much colder than inland. He runs into the house and in a flash he's back in his over sized BYU windbreaker. The one that's big enough for a linebacker to wear... with his football gear on. *sigh* I'd been thinking something more along the lines of his black, leather jacket but you have to pick your battles.

Upon arriving at Brent's work he shows us around before we head down to the party. We ran into his old boss who has three kids in tow. I notice the children are in matchy-matchy argyle outfits. Ooookay... maybe it's just because that's the boss? We head down to the party and there are all the children in their red velvet/plaid satin/sparkling silver outfits. The boys have chunky sweaters with matching pants and socks. The girls have white tights and patent leather shoes not to mention silk ribbons in their hair. The good news is my outfit was right on cue. Every woman there is wearing essentially the same thing. Liesel on the other hand is looking a tad... well... off. Even with the Santa hat she's just a little under dressed. When I talked to Brent about it afterwards he was a bit sheepish. I'd been right to inquire about a dress code; even if that dress code was unspoken.

What I find fascinating about all this is it seems to be a gender thing. Pretty much every married woman I know has a story similar to this. Men may make fun of us for staring at a closet full of clothes and exclaiming, "I have NOTHING to wear" because they don't understand this fundamental truth: always obey the dress code. You don't want to be THAT woman who's ridiculously under/overdressed. It indicates arrogance or ignorance or worse, BOTH. Yet for the average male, it barely escapes their notice if someones appearance is out of kilter with the event at hand. Why is that anyway? If a man showed up to a black tie wedding in jeans all he'd remember is that he was really comfortable that day, not that he was horrifyingly inappropriate. Ladies, back me up here?

SWAG

"Stuff. We. All. Get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my swag." ~Michael Scott (The Office)

I work for a non-profit. Or is it not-for-profit? Is there even a difference? Anyhoo, it's a bit more touchy-feely than your average company and we associates get a pretty consistent amount of swag which keeps morale high. They were even honored by the Boston Business Journal as one of the region's best places to work. We placed 14 out of 20 in the large business (more than 500 employees) category.

In my 6 years with the company I've received a towel, laundry bag, socks, fleece blanket, color-changing cups, canvass beach bag, Red Sox tickets (I've won 3 times!), mugs, computer bag, backpack, iPod shuffle, fleece jacket, water bottle, t-shirt, travel kit, and then the usual pens, notebooks, portfolios and food, food, food. Seriously, we get A LOT of free food. It's always nice to get a little something now and again although I have to admit I've been excited about some items more than others.

This week was Customer Service Appreciation week at work. I was extremely busy so I didn't have time to pick up my Dunkin Donuts gift card, or have any of the free pizza, or to complete any of the daily puzzles to win the big prize (I think it was an iPod or iPhone or something like that). The final email went out on Friday announcing ice cream was being served along with a give away. I wasn't all that interested in the ice cream since I'm still trying to lose the last of my baby weight. Lucky for me, my cube neighbor is eager for food at pretty much all times so he scouted it out for me and gave me a preview of the day's swag:

I'd seen these before at The Container Store (also known as my Nirvana). The top section holds cereal and the bottom section goes in the freezer. It has an orange gel inside which keeps the milk cold. There's even a collapsible spoon in the lid. It's perfect for travel. It's perfect for kids. It's ingenious. I LOVE IT!!! With 15 minutes left, I briskly walked down to the large conference room where I was met with a line that wound all the way through one division. I spied the VP of HR and asked if it was okay to slip in and snag my swag. After all, it was Customer Service Appreciation Week. I was completely jazzed to show it to Brent when he picked me up. Ahhhhh, I'm feelin' the love!

Workin' Nine to Five

I'm a bad wife. I picked up Brent from work today and having not prepared a darn thing for dinner, suggested Burger King. McDonalds is out of the question since we saw Supersize Me. Granted, Burger King probably isn't much better but it's on the way home and until I see a documentary about how evil they are, that's my fast food outlet. As I looked at my jr cheeseburger I was suddenly reminded of high school when I worked at Wendy's. To learn how to "build a sandwich" we had to watch a training video. This one was somewhat entertaining since it had a song that went something like this: WHITE, red ayand greeeeeeeeen! First the mayo, ketchup, pickles and then the color scheme repeated with onions, tomatoes and lettuce. Wow, to this day I'm probably still employable at Wendys. However, nothing motivated me towards college more than that job. I still remember the guy who was fired for stealing fries.

This got me thinking of other jobs I carefully omit from my resume. My parents had a philosophy that summers were for working, not vacationing and anyone over the age of 11 had to be gainfully employed. If memory serves, we weren't let back into the house unless we'd gotten a job so it was either employment or homelessness. I've had jobs where that option was honestly a toss up. Since the illustrious fast food jobs weren't attainable until age 16, the summer I was 15 I found myself working the Iowa Conservation Corps. I planted an herb garden, rebuilt a porch, and cleared some brush in some forest. I also worked with a lot of other people who got the job so they could develop "character". The best day on the job was when two co-workers broke into a fist fight over the fact they didn't like how the other looked. Due to their rap sheets, police were called in for this one. That's when I learned if I'm ever in a fight to let the other person throw the first punch before tearing into them since that's all the po-po care about.

My older siblings had all detassled corn in the sweltering heat of Iowa summers and one summer I thought I'd give it a go. I lasted a day. Ever heard of corn rash? That's what happens when your bare skin rubs against the stalks of corn. It's not as bad as say, poison oak but its also no dang fun. I remember that evening after a day of detassling as I sat in a tub trying to clean off the sweat, dirt and bugs from my stinging, burning, BRIGHT red skin. My ears were still ringing with the profanity of my fellow field workers. Even now I have a deep respect for the work ethic of my older sister and brothers. The detassling tradition in my family abruptly ended with me.

Okay 3 people who read my blog, what past jobs don't make it on YOUR resume?

Seeing Clearly

Many years ago I was working with a coworker learning the ins and outs of our scanning system. She's a really nice girl, the super shy kind who just keeps her head down and does her job. Somehow the topic of eye surgery came up and I mentioned how I'd gotten it and absolutely loved it. She seemed interested and a couple weeks later told me she'd looked into it and it was thousands of dollars. Whoops. I had my eye surgery done on the mission and the doctor did it as a service to missionaries for only the cost of equipment so in total, it was only about $450. I didn't know what the going rate was and had NO idea it was that expensive.

The other day this same girl stopped by my desk and excitedly told me about how she'd finally gotten the surgery. I couldn't believe it! That brief conversation we'd had so many years ago had such an impact on her... I had no idea! Her eyes were slightly red and I was touched she took the time to let me know.

In Baby News: As I'm getting bigger I'm noticing my body moves a little differently. It's like I used to walk in rear wheel drive and now I have to walk in four wheel drive... and closer to the ground with minimal bouncing. I don't know how else to explain it but I asked Brent to watch me just to be sure I wasn't waddling. 18 weeks is WAY too early to waddle.

The House Bee. Yotch.

Brent got Columbus Day off for work while I dragged my bootie out of bed... no easy task considering my bootie is getting bigger by the second. I'm beginning to think it's growing at the same rate as my belly and my body is trying to keep me from toppling over. Great in theory, but I look like a yin yang when you look at me sideways. Today someone told me that a lot of heartburn means the baby will have a lot of hair. I've had no heartburn to speak of but loads of acid reflux. I wonder what I get for that? Probably lots of cellulite. I'll have a very bald baby with lots of cellulite. The apple doesn't fall far!!

At work I got out of doing the divisional update. This is a general department update given to the entire division which is about 150 people. A handful of VP's attend along with the president and CFO not to mention Marketing who likes to take your picture while you try and get through the power point.

I've done more than my fair share of these divisional updates and the average bear might find it odd I do them at all. I'm not a supervisor, manager, director or VP. However, it's no exaggeration that many people would rather die than do any form of public speaking. In my tenure at my company I've been approached by many a supervisor, manager, director and even VP asking me to do some sort of public speaking gig for them. Great right? Initially perhaps, it got my name out there and demonstrated a little more depth in my talents. Now it's beginning to feel like I'm a go-to person for people who should be going and doing themselves.

In a moment of privacy I laid it out for my manager: The reason I'm being given this choice "opportunity" is really because no one else wants to do it. He heartily agreed with me there, but mentioned even he didn't want to hear an update from some of the managers because their public speaking is, well, uhmmm, LACKING. Doing something like this doesn't show up on any kind of review so it's a lot of work for nothing. I don't mean to be cocky but even he agreed it's not really a professional development opportunity since my public speaking skills are above average. He told me he thought since I was SO good at it, I would enjoy it. I told him while I'd normally agree (yes I did it, I pulled the pregnancy card) but when I'm lightheaded and nauseous it's not quite as "fun." So he delegated it to someone else. Hooray!

After a loooong day at work my love picked me up (drove into town and all!) and drove me home. He'd been doing laundry, swept the kitchen floor, organized some more of his boxes of... well I'm not entirely sure what's in those boxes but we've had them for many moons. I told him I hadn't been feeling well all day and he pulled out 3 different kinds of soups. Schaweet! He'd be a great stay at home dad, I just know it.