Hello Mother, Hello Father

I'd like to say a few things to my parents; these giants who currently rule my world (not for long though!). Before I came down to be a part of your family, Heavenly Father told me you were new at this and to have some patience with you two. By and large I think I've done pretty well minus a melt-down every now and again. But to make my, and by extension, your life a little easier, there are some things you should know:

1. Nude is the new black. I've been subtly trying to convey this when I quickly roll out of every diaper change and crawl as fast as I can. Going diaper-less and clothes-less is totally hot. You especially should stop worrying about trying to wipe the crap off my bum, it will dry and fall off eventually. Sure it may get on some stuff but I've seen Mom do laundry every other week. She can handle it! Oh, and about that whole "clean" thing you're both into. You don't have to constantly wipe my face, ears and hands. Just leave everything crusted on, I really prefer it that way. I don't see what's wrong with my method of cleaning which is to rub my face back and forth on your shoulder. Your cashmere coats are my favorite... they're sooooo soft!
2. They don't have electronics in the premortal life. This should help explain my fascination with the laptop, the camera, your cell phones and iPods. Mom really shouldn't have gotten so upset when I threw her blackberry at the window in the car. When I'm done with them, I'm done and I have no other way to let you know. That reminds me, throwing stuff is just FUN. You should try it sometime! I don't think you understand I'm studying the bounceability of everything you hand me. I'm a little tired of hearing "You tossed it, you lost it." Just get off your keester and give it back so I can move to phase two of my bounceability study.
3. I'm not dumb. I can tell when you don't want me to get into something which makes me wonder all the more what's in there. Even if it's a pieces of paper in a tidy pile. I just thought they looked better in a heap, crumpled up and even torn a bit. They were particularly fun to dance on. What's the big deal? I think Dad's boss at work will LOVE the new look! Handing me the pamphlet from the Jehovah's Witnesses just isn't the same thing. I'd been working on that tidy pile of paper for a good 3 minutes and you think I'd be satisfied with a measly pamphlet? Also I'm completely fascinated at the things you choose to throw away. I've found such interesting things in the garbage! Old wrappers with food stuck on them, used tissues, my old diapers, etc. Why would you get rid of these? I'm doing you a favor by giving you a second chance to save them by pulling them out of the garbage.
4. I was born to two people with water signs (Scorpio and Cancer) therefore I have a natural curiosity for the water. My fiery red hair needs some quenching every once in a while so if I hear it running, I come crawling. Water was meant to be splashed and in spite of what I've heard you say, the bathroom becomes magically dry after Mom's been in there after one of my baths. I really don't see what all the fuss is about. Besides, how destructive do you really think a 10 month old could be?
5. I am not a performing monkey. Even though I've been waving and pointing at everything that moves lately, I will not do it for one of your friends or my pediatrician. I will sit perfectly still and act as if I've never seen you in my life. Just don't even try it unless you're planning to pay me in ice cream for it. Even then, I can't promise anything. I have to be in the mood for making fish faces and that mood swiftly dissapears when you pull out the camera. I will not, repeat WILL NOT show everyone my efforts at assisted walking. That's just something that cannot be revealed to the world until I'm good and ready. I'll let you know.
6. I really like that game we've been playing where we race each other to the cupboards. The ones under the bathroom and kitchen sink are the most fun because of all those big bottles of different colored liquids. I especially like this game since I've been winning a lot lately. Let's keep playing!
7. Currently I'm a little short. The world is much more fascinating from your vantage point. Once I've communicated that I want to be held I DO NOT want to be put down... ever. I want you to hold me, standing up, until I fall asleep on your shoulder. I don't care what else you have going on be it dishes, dinner or a desperate need to go to the bathroom. I like high altitudes so just get used to it. Mmmmkay?
8. Green beans are gross. I get it. Ella gets it. What's wrong with you people? They can't be good for you if they taste that bad.
9. This is hard to say, but it just has to be said. Dad, I hate to tell you this but you're already embarrassing me in front of my friends. When you drop me off at daycare, please don't humiliate me with the kisses and cuddles. Leave me at the ball pit and just walk away. There's a reason I've been looking at you as if you're my chauffeur when you try to say goodbye. You did your duty in transporting me to my play area, you are now dismissed. Oh and Mom, when you come to pick me up even though you need to collect my daily group sheet, the bottles and my dirtied clothes for the day, you should be doing this all one-handed so you can hold me the whole time. I don't know what you do during the day, but I've been playing and sleeping and eating so I need some TLC ASAP. I also don't appreciate your comments about how "heavy" I'm getting. I've been working hard stealing Cheerios from Fynn to get these adorable fat rolls! LOL!!! He's so slow!

Well I hope this helps you two. By and large you're doing a good job. I just don't think you understand I was sent to you to be the NEW head of household. Once you grasp that I think we'll all get along just fine. I'll be watching you two for progress!

P.S. When am I going to get my own blogger account?

Ding Dong Not So Much

We have some of the most awesome home teachers. The Salazar family in particular has taken VERY good care of us. After I had Liesel, Annie called to tell me she was on her way to Target and to ask if I needed anything. Who does that? Once she dropped off some homemade pasta salad so I wouldn't have to worry about dinner. No reason, she just thought I could use a little help (even though they have 4 kids of their own). Josh visits us consistently and always leaves a wonderful message that really make us think. They have the most adorable kids and whenever we visit, their little noses are pressed up to the front window. They get so excited when we pull up. Forget Cheers, the Salazars is where everyone knows your name. Well, not exactly... they call me "the girl of your home teacher" which is kind of close to Danika. Anyway, it's with this plethora of goodwill that we thought we'd pay them back a little kindness.

Red velvet cake is my favorite and to keep myself from losing control and eating it all in one sitting I make cupcakes. It's built-in portion control. Even then, we always have way more than we can possibly eat. Brent and I decided to give a plate of cupcakes to the Salazars but to make it even MORE fun, we'd ding dong ditch them. Well, not really because we called Josh ahead of time to let him know we were doing it for the kids excitement and not to be rude. We told him there would be something just outside the front door and to not step in it.

Brent looked SO cute sneaking up to the door in his suit (this was Sunday). He's perfect for this kind of thing because he's up for just about anything and he's so fast. Brent rang the doorbell and in a flash was back in the car. I was so distracted watching him I didn't even notice the minivan pulling out of the driveway I'd parked in front of. Then it went from comical to painful. I'd moved so close to the driveway, the minivan couldn't curve around and get out. Brent and I were ducking to escape being seen and by then the entire family was on the front step watching us. The woman in the minivan was getting more irritated by the second. It seems she hadn't clued in to our plan and with typical New England impatience wanted me to get in gear. Finally I put the car in reverse to give her some room. If there was any doubt as to who was doing the ding dong ditching, the headlights from the minivan solved that mystery. I've never heard Josh laugh so hard. Even as we squealed away I could hear him laughing down the street and I worried a bit he might drop their baby.

Smooooth. We're real smooooth.

That's the Way to Go

A week ago my company had layoffs. Aside from the uptick in gossip and paranoia, the effect of all this has me thinking about how I'd like to make my exit. Obviously I hope to stay in my job as long as possible. It took me a long time to get where I am and I truly love my job. However, if I have to go I hope they send me out Tyra Banks style on ANTM. I imagine it would go something like this:
I have two associates standing before me but only one paycheck in my hand. Let's take you first Danika. You're the beauuuuuutiful girl with the color-coded outlook calendar and perfectly organized task list. Other client managers look at you and think, "Damn! I had no idea a spreadsheet could be used that way." You consistently receive rave reviews from your clients. But the company thinks we can't afford your salary anymore. (that last sentence would be said very slowly for dramatic effect).

*I would then nod silently while pathetic tears fill my eyes*

Then there's you Bob from ISD. Mr Jay tells me you haven't showered in a week which tells the panel you don't really care much about this job. Your lack of innovation made Danika's world a very hard place to be at times. She had to explain to her clients why the system wasn't working properly and why their students wouldn't get their disbursements as planned. This is something that didn't just happen once, it happened time and time again. (that last sentence would be said almost in a whisper for dramatic effect).

*Bob's probably never seen ANTM and has no idea what's going on so his eyes fly wildly all over the room trying to compute it all*

So who stays? The girl with the stellar reviews? Or the superfluous stinky guy? (Okay, so Tyra's never used the word superfluous but work with me here)

Then they'd drop the bomb. If I go, I get to make final comments through a shower of tears about how much I appreciated the opportunity to work for the company and how it just inspired me to be better. Then I'd promise this wouldn't be the last you'd see of me. I'd also figure out a way to disconnect the ice machine for all those people who hogged it all while I was employed there. If I get to stay, they'd tell me I'm still in the running to be America's Next Student Assistant. It'd almost be worth getting laid off if they'd do it like that!

Alton Brown Would Be Proud

I'm no chef. Cooking to me is actually a bit of a mystery. Why anyone would want to dedicate any amount of time to a product that is eaten and quickly forgotten is beyond me. I prefer to do things like quilt, where at the end of it all there's an heirloom that can outlive you and be passed on from generation to generation. However, my outlook on cooking has changed a bit since I've been married.

Brent enjoys all kinds of foods, but when he really likes something, he's particularly verbose. It's rather gratifying and when it happens on occasion, I suddenly don't mind the time I spent in the kitchen. Brent's also good about cooking with me, so I'm not all alone. I love trying out new recipes with him. He's really changed the cooking world for me.

Yesterday I knew Brent would be working late. I had visited a client in the morning and then worked from home for the rest of the day. Even by the time I'd picked up Liesel and walked through the door it was much earlier than usual. With a chunk of lonely time ahead of me, I decided to make good use of the last of the buttermilk. Hmmmm, what can you make with buttermilk? Well, biscuits came to mind so I checked out my New Best Recipe Cookbook (thanks for the tip on this one Katrina!).

The recipe wasn't all that difficult, it was just strange. Put the butter in the freezer, shred it with a cheese shredder and add yogurt? Oooohkay. Mix it with two knives moving in opposite directions? Riiiiight. When I'd finished combining all the incredients I was just sure I'd made a drastic mistake and wasted a lot of ingredients because the dough was a lumpy mess. Hoping against hope, I threw them in the oven and the oh so lovely smell began to waft through the apartment. When they came out, they were browned and fluffy lumps of mess. Then I tasted one. Oh how it melted! They weren't actually lumpy messes at all! They were small mounds of buttery tastiness. I grabbed a jar of jam and a tall glass of cold milk. They were soooooo GOOD! I quickly made the next biscuits larger and cooked them a bit longer.

Brent walked in the door just as I pulled the second batch out of the oven. He smiled at me as his glasses fogged up. He quickly pulled off his coat, gloves, hat and gave me a cold kiss on my cheek. I led him to the kitchen where the hot little mounds of baked deliciousness lay waiting. At my behest, Brent immediately grabbed one, tossing the hot biscuit between his hands as he went for the butter. "Oh, you won't need any butter... trust me. These are buttermilk biscuits." He took his first bite and moaned in appreciation. Then I had him try it with jam. He went into raptures as he ate and I eagerly took in all the praise. He had one, two, three before he admitted he needed to stop. That was dinner. Cooking is worth it with those kinds of accolades. It really is.

Cha-Ching

I'm planning to chronicle our ongoing cost-savings efforts. If you're not interested, feel free to skip any post titled Cha-Ching. If you have any tips to share, please do so! In our efforts to cut costs, we've recently made these savings:

Parking: Monday was a holiday and I had client visits for the rest of the week. I either dropped Brent off at the T or he took the bus we didn't have to pay for parking all week. Savings: $35

Children's Clothing: $50 Guymbucks + $50 gift card = $100 of clothing for only the cost of shipping. Yes, I actually calculated how much it would cost us to drive to the nearest Gymboree and pick up the stuff so we wouldn't have to pay shipping and shipping was cheaper. Also, we're borrowing clothes from friends with children older than Liesel so we don't need as many clothes. Thank you Bosses and Wuehlers!

Savings: $100+

Entertainment: We'd previously decided not to go to any movies this year. Because we watched Sofie and Seth, their parents sent us movie passes with two coupons for small popcorn and a note they'd like to take Liesel so we can have a date night.We specifically told them we just wanted them to pay it forward and we didn't want to be paid so this is a nice surprise.

Savings: $30*

*I realize technically this isn't a savings since we wouldn't have gone, but it's a benefit so I count it anyway.

Food: We purchased $25 worth of baby food which was on sale and then we utilized our coupons for another $9 worth of savings. Liesel is also suddenly disgusted by formula so we aren't using as much which is great because it's incredibly expensive. Now if we could only figure out how to get her to poop less.

Savings: $12

Out of the Mouths of Babes

This weekend we hosted Sofie (5) and Seth (4) while their parents are attending the inaguration and perusing the DC housing market. Liesel's loved having them around and Brent and I have been stifling laughs for the random things they say. Here's a sample:

Sofie: Seth, you said you wanted macaroni and cheese and now you're not eating it. What happened there?

We went out in the backyard and played in the completely untouched snow. Sofie hadn't brought her snowboots or snowpants but was having a lot of fun... until she lost her shoe in the snow. I frantically dug and dug in the knee-deep powder until I found it. Once we were inside she took off her wet socks and said,

Sophie: *laughing* When I lost my shoe that was just ridiculous!

Me: I think you (Sofie) look like your dad and you (Seth) look like your Mom.

*long pause*

Seth: My mom doesn't have a Spiderman shirt *motioning to his Spiderman hoodie*

Sofie: Yeah! *confused*

I was feeding Liesel and asked Sofie to bring me a binkie. She ran away and reappeared with the pink binkie we've been searching for three weeks to find.

Me: Sofie! Where did you find that?!? We've been looking EVERYWHERE for it!

Sofie: I can't remember if it was under the crib or under the bed I slept in last night. But it was in that room *points*

Me: THANK YOU! We thought we lost it.

Sofie: *chastizing* You guys really need to have more kids. That way you can find all the stuff you've lost.

Seth: *singing* Nahhh neder de JUNK ba leverda JUNK my BAYBEEE! (His version of Madonna's song Jump, the words of which are 'Get ready to Jump')

Liesel Grace January 18, 2009

More pictures of Liesel, including Christmas.

Your Love Is Better Than Ice Cream

Today I discovered Liesel loves me. That may sound odd, but for a full-time working mother with an hour and a half daily commute I get precious little time with her. As much as I'd like to think the mother-daughter bond transcends the hours of the day, it's hard not to feel like I'm only a minor character in her life. Especially when she'd ditch me for a bowl of ice cream (see previous post)

Today was bitterly cold and after a longer than usual T ride, I jumped in the car at the parking garage. I only drove it about two feet when I knew I had a flat tire. Thus began the raft of phone calls. One unanswered to Brent. Then AAA, Libby to pick up Liesel, KinderCare to tell them Libby was picking up Liesel, Brent again to explain everything then answering calls from all those people and calling them again. In the meantime I stayed warm by picking up a hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts and waiting in the Bank of America kiosk. To pass the time I answered emails on my BB and perused the graffiti.

The AAA dude was fascinatingly efficient. I only had a $1 and $20 so I splurged and tipped him the $20 considering it was perhaps 2 degrees. As I left the parking garage I noticed he'd pulled over just outside the pay booths for another flat-tire damsel in distress. The driver was an older woman and I hoped my call had gotten him there for her earlier than he would have been. Lucky me, I was just in time for the worst of rush hour traffic. With a donut on my driver's side rear tire, I finally headed over to Libby's to pick up my girl.

Liesel's been to the Bosses too many times to count. We can't walk in the door without Scott or Libby taking her out of our hands for a cuddle. Their girls are a whirl of chatter and activity that Liesel just loves. She also loves their ceiling fan. I know, it's random but it's also completely true. She'll just stare at it. Anyway, when I walked in the door I could hear her crying the same way she does when she's just received her immunizations. Like life is just too painful to bear. It's so sweet and so pathetic. I naturally assumed she was hungry or tired or someone had taken her toy away. When I walked in she stopped. As I gathered my girl up in my arms they told me she just wanted her mom. Scott told me she'd looked around and could sense something wasn't quite right and that's when she broke down.

Would you consider me draconian if I admit I was SO happy about all this? She knows who I am! Furthermore, she missed me! Now I'm pretty sure if I died she'd notice I was gone. Before I had my doubts. Hooray!!! Tonight Liesel was a bit clingy and truth be told so was I. Technically it was Brent's turn to put her to bed but I happily cuddled with her as she finished her bottle and drifted off to sleep. Oh I'm so relieved!

She's Just Not That Into You

I love the look of disdain she gives me when I hand Dad the goods. Then there's the uncomfortable over-the-shoulder glance when I keep calling for her to come back. As if she's thinking, "I'm sorry, I've never seen you before in my life!"

Et Tu Mom?

After Christmas Brent, Liesel and I caravaned down with my parents to NJ. A dear friend had made the decision to get baptized and we weren't about to miss it. Turns out we weren't the only ones traversing some distance for the event. There was even a family who had flown in from California and needless to say, the room was filled to capacity. After the baptism the branch had a pot luck to celebrate. Brent and I hung out and talked to the family while Mom and Dad kept things moving. Eventually the crowd thinned and people began folding up chairs and putting away the tables.

I was talking to one of the daughters who's attending college at Northeastern in Boston when I spied Liesel crawling towards a garbage can. Garbage holds a strange sort of fascination for her and if there's one within eyesight she's sure to crawl as fast as she can to empty out the contents. To prevent this disaster, I swiftly picked her up in my arms and returned to my seat. As I sat down, the Northeastern girl got the most curious expression on her face. She suddenly became mute and her eyes grew as big as saucers. Her body went rigid as she leaned towards me. It really threw me off until I hit THAT point. You know, the point where you've squatted enough to realize there is no seat under you anymore and it's much too late to try and stand up. The point of no return.

I'm not sure how, but as I went down I instinctively cradled Liesel so she wouldn't get hurt by the fall. I fell mostly on my butt and side but managed to pick up a bruise and nasty rug burn on my elbow. My first thought was, "Is Liesel okay?" followed quickly by "Did everyone see that?" All movement in the room stopped as everyone stared at me as if I'd started doing an impromptu Mexican hat dance in the nude. Apparently, everyone saw. Liesel continued to blabber as if nothing happened while the circle of concerned onlookers focused on me. As I turned around I expected to see one of the punk kids who had been running round all night making trouble. Ha ha, very funny. That kid was about to get a tongue lashing from me about what could have happened to my precious child in the fall. Imagine my surprise when I turned to face my shocked mother... holding my chair.

Her eyebrows were practically in her hairline. "OH!!! I didn't know you were going to sit down again!" Every once in a while Mom has a way of making something sound like an angry accusation and a question at the same time. This was one of those moments. Then came the rush of questions from the well-intentioned onlookers: Are you okay? Do you want me to take Liesel? Can you get up? All the while my angel mother was still standing there with my chair in hand. It seems neither of us really knew what to do. I didn't want to answer the questions so I got up and helped clean up the room so we could get out of there as quickly as possible.

There's a phrase that goes something like this: "I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me." Well now I can say I know what that feels like and then some. I had a chair pulled out from under me. While holding my 9-month old. In a pencil skirt. By my OWN mother. Even though I'm a grown woman, could this still count as a childhood scar?

Curses to Scott!

I think it's the "I live in a cake" that has me hooked on this. Like a horrific accident, I just can't look away.



Llama, llama, DUCK!

A Novel Idea

Am I crazy or are these leg warmers the best baby idea to come along since the sippy cup? Liesel's crawling, pulling herself up to a stand and creeping along the furniture. It's cold so I want to keep her covered but she gets tripped up on socks (yes, even the ones with a little rubber on the bottom) and pants that slip down. I've tried just letting her crawl around in a onesy which she likes the best but at the end of the day her little knees are bright red!

Now I can pull out a plain white onesy, these leg warmers and voila! She's ready to rock n roll--80's style. You're not supposed to dress redheads in pink but I just couldn't resist the pink and white striped ones although I was tempted by these argyles as well. If you're interested in these (or a fluffy, white, slip which is suprisingly hard to find) then Sophia's Style is your place. Hot tip: they're on sale... both the baby leg warmers and the slip.