When I'm Gone

I was released as Young Women President today. Never in my life have I experienced such a mixed bag of emotions. Weeks ago when Bishop confirmed I was moving on, I developed a migraine right after. Odd, since I've never had a migraine in my entire life. My sister Whitney is subject to them now and again, and she told me they often come on after a major stress is over. Well, that's par for the course. This calling challenged me in ways I could not have imagined. I never realized how much of my brain space was taken up with these darling YW and all this calling required.

I'm not even really sure what I said in my final testimony because I was a mess of tears and blubbering. I asked all of the girls to give me a hug before leaving and reminded them I'm not dying, just going to Primary, so I'm still around. Ugh, even glancing at this photo I just miss those girls!

I truly loved working with these ladies, especially my secretary Heidi who was released along with me. She has been my rock and has pulled me back from the cliff's edge countless times. With her help, we were able to accomplish so many wonderful things. I wish we could have served as mission companions because I know we would have set the world on fire. I'll miss her desperately when she moves to Oregon.

This was a heavy, heavy mantle and I'm grateful to have more time to focus on my daughters. I'm more determined than ever to prepare them well for their time in Young Women!

Girls on the Run

I kind of have a thing for female empowerment. Nothing puts a smile on my face more than watching my daughters conquer their fears, embrace their strength, and charge headlong into the challenges this ole life presents to them. I was determined to have my girls participate in Girls on the Run years and years before Liesel was even old enough to join. 

The program description says it so much better than I ever could:

Girls face social pressures and conflicting messages about how they should act and who they should be. Studies show that by adolescence, girls' confidence drops about twice as much as boys'. Friendships become more complicated and challenging, girls' perception of their academic ability declines, the likelihood of anxiety and depression increases and participation in physical activity plummets.

It doesn't have to be this way.

We believe that EVERY GIRL is inherently FULL OF POWER and POTENTIAL. By knowing they are the leaders of their lives, these are the girls who WILL CHANGE THE WORLD.

YAAAASSSSSSS!!!

Circling up before the race.

I'm also a fan of running. Our ancestors surely ran from predators, enemies, natural disasters and many other threats because their two legs saved them. If they outran all that and survived, those genes were surely handed down to us. I believe our bodies were made to run. My daughters may not always be able to afford a gym membership, but if they know how to use their own two legs, they can always exercise for free.

Pre-race pep talk. I was giving Liesel some advice on handling the wind... basically telling her what you see on my hoodie.

Liesel wanted Annie to be her Running Buddy and to be honest, I was a little bummed. She and I have had some really great runs together and I was kind of hoping this would be a mother-daughter bonding thing. Then I broke my toe and man, was I ever grateful Annie was there for Liesel when I couldn't be!

Trying to stay warm.

The only little glitch is Liesel's school was doing their race on Sunday and well, we just have to draw a line somewhere. Sundays are our family day and our holy day. Fortunately, there are lots of Girls on the Run races and so we just registered for a day early. None of her friends were at today's race but again, Annie was there and she made sure Liesel had fun. It was SO cold (about 48*), seriously windy and there was a downpour about 10 minutes after they started. Even so, they muscled through.

Who runs the world? GIRLS!!!

Annie is not a runner by choice, but she told me they ran at least half the race and they finished in about 40 min which isn't bad for a first try! She made it fun for Liesel- letting her jump in all the puddles and they looked happy as clams when they headed down the final stretch:

Minutes after Liesel crossed the finish line and received her medal, she told me (soaking wet and shivering) that she wanted to do it again next year. I'm so crazy proud of her- 9 years old and she's already participated in an official 5K! She made great friends during the 10 weeks of training and found her footing- literally. I really loved the values they focused on and Liesel talked endlessly about the things she learned.

To my shock and amazement, Annie said she would do it again too! I really love this program and I'm excited for Liesel's sisters to get their chance to participate in Girls on the Run.

For now, I'm going to hang those running shoes up to dry.

Poetry Slam

Our elementary school has a monthly Library Night. Aside from checking out books, sometimes teachers do story time, sometimes there are raffles for books, and sometimes there is a guest. We don't often go since they are always right when Brent gets home from work and I'm exhausted from holding down the fort during the witching hours. 

Days before this month's Library Night, Liesel and Ireland were pleading with me to go. Much as I tried to understand the appeal for this particular night, I just couldn't quite wrap my head around it. Dr. Seusses nephew... poetry... Liesel and a few other kids got to have lunch with him... something like that. Seeing my girls so enthusiastic about it made me think perhaps there was something special about this one. 

Was there ever. Turns out the guest speaker was Bill Buczinsky who had those kids eating out of the palm of his hand. He'd say something like, "Power to the poet" and the kids would all answer "Power to the poet!" while pumping fists in the air. I've never seen such crowd control among little kids- it's like he was the Pied Piper. Bill invited anyone who wanted to read poetry to line up for the microphone. Many had been working on their poems all week but for those kids who hadn't written anything, he knelt beside them and fed them words of classic poets. When one froze in terror, he whipped up enough audience enthusiasm to get him through it. Bill was energetic and kind. I loved his passion, "Not everyone is a poet, but everyone has poetry in them."

  

Liesel was eager to read her poem on her American Girl Doll. I was so proud to see her with that poem in hand march up to the mike.

I'd gone into this begrudginly, and came home to Brent just spilling over with stories from the night that probably sounded as much to him as it did when Liesel and Ireland relayed theirs to me. It really is hard to explain if you haven't seen Bill in action. Maybe this video (taken at a different school) will help.

I hope our school can get him back so all the girls can enjoy some time with Bill!

Sister Photos

Here are some extra photos from Liesel and Ireland's birthday shoot. 

The Miccolises gave Ireland the camera thinking she might take some photos of flowers or maybe the sky. Nope, she turned that camera on her sister and Liesel quickly popped her little hip and started posing for her.

Liesel also got to try her hand at being the photographer!

I love this photo! I want to show it to them when they are teenagers and at each other's throats. See? You were happy little friends once!

I also love it in black and white!

Of all the photos, this is the one I want to print and frame, which is kind of crazy, because you can't see their faces! I love how they both have long, long blonde hair. However, it's a little different in length and color. They are similar, but different too... they are sisters!

I'm so very grateful to the Miccolises for doing this shoot for us! It's nice to see the girls through their lens (literally), and I will always treasure they way they captured them. We are spoiled for the village that is helping us to raise our children, for sure!

Did I mention they took them out to ice cream afterwards for being such good models during the shoot? Yeah, we are definitely spoiled.

Liesel's Room Makeover

I feel summer looming. The long, long, long days with the girls all at home are nigh upon me. There is scant hope I will be able to maintain my sanity. Every time I walked past Liesel's room, I thought to myself, "I really need to put up some blackout curtains in there." If there are blackout curtains, she and her temporary but insistent bed-fellow, Sydney, are more likely to sleep in. Sydney is more likely to take an afternoon nap if the sun isn't blazing right into the room. And the windows just looked blank and boring. The previous owners had heavy, thick blinds and a shelf that came crashing down in short order. Ever since then, there has been no window treatment. 

If I was going to put up new curtains, the walls needed to be patched from the wretched shelf and blinds. If I was going to put in the energy to properly patch the walls, I might as well paint them a color I could actually stand. And if I was going to paint the walls, I might as well do it during General Conference weekend when 3 hours of church and as many hours of leadership meetings would not be on my agenda. I could listen to the speakers while I worked. All I needed to do was get buy in from Brent and to my shock and amazement, he followed that long train of logic and gave me the green light. I practically sped to Ace Hardware. 

We hadn't lived in the house for long when we realized Liesel's room was going to be used as a second guest room- especially when family is visiting. My parents always take the guest room in the basement and while no one ever complained about the full-sized bed, we knew we needed a queen. Thanksgiving was our excuse to upgrade and my parents generously donated a headboard and footboard with a frame that was sitting in storage, unused. 

Just seeing this picture of the old wall color brings me down a little. That old carpet was stained and smelled like cat even after we had Rug Dr.ed it a dozen times. For a medium tan, the wall color made the room look really dark and it had no personality or character whatsoever. It needed new life, a fresh start! So I went with the same paint color I'd used on Brigitta and Ireland's room- Benjamin Moore's Decorator's White. When I finished the second coat, I laid on my back to rest a bit and admire my work. It dawned on me that the ceiling was a darker grey than the walls now were, and that simply wasn't going to work. I'd made the same mistake in Brigitta and Ireland's room. You'd think I would have learned by now.

Normally I would have started with the ceiling but compared to that horrid tan, I was sure it was perfectly white! As you can see, that was not the case. No wonder the room seemed so dark, there wasn't any kind of a bright surface to reflect light! Not only was that a problem, but the previous owners gunned the closet because the whole thing, including the closet ceiling, was that dreadful, insipid tan. By this point, I was rapidly running out of paint and Liesel's clothes had been in a heap in the living room that was getting messier by the hour.

Because of the ceiling and the closet, the painting and touch-up took a couple more days (and a couple more trips to Ace) than I originally planned. In the end, it was worth it because the room completely transformed. For whatever reason, repainting the baseboards really made the whole room look like new construction. When I reinstalled the closet hardware, I was able to move the upper portion a bit higher so Liesel's dresses weren't pooling on the shelf beneath them. I briefly considered installing a whole new closet system but Brent put his foot down. Really he was right, this weekend project was starting to spin out of control. We put the bed back into place and I determined to narrow my focus.

It was time to tackle the curtains. I found rods that perfectly mimicked the finials on Liesel's bed and were extra long so when the curtains were open, they wouldn't cover any of the window. Since the palate of the room was black, white and blue, I tried black curtains but suddenly it brought the whole look of the room down. I returned them and went back to the drawing board. For inspiration, I spent some time perusing Land of Nod, Restoration Hardware Baby and Pottery Barn Kids. They always have lovely designs that don't look cheap or gimmicky. I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I spotted these lovelies:

My only mistake was ordering cheap canvas curtains online to save money. The grommets kept falling apart, so I had to repeatedly superglue them back together before the fabric frayed. Even though they were listed as blackout curtains, they really weren't. I had to buy blackout backing which cost a pretty penny and sew it on. When I hung them the first time, I realized I had accidentally been sent two different length panels! This project was dragging out for so much longer than I intended that I couldn't bear the thought of mailing them back and waiting for a replacement. Initially I had planned to get them a little long so they could pool at the bottom, but in the end, I decided to just trim both panels to perfectly graze the floor. I kind of agonized over the height of the bows and I measured, remeasured and reremeasured before sewing on the ribbon. While I was thrilled with the end product, caveat emptor- I'll flip for the pricier panels next time.

The curtains add a girly touch to the room and I love that you can't buy these anywhere! They are one-of-a-kind, made especially for Liesel. They look adorable when they are bunched up...

...or when they are spread out. And they are true blackout curtains, shutting out the bright afternoon light to create a sweet spot for a little one to nap the afternoon away.

Now it was time for the finishing touches. Months and months ago while perusing Pinterest, I came across this image and immediately determined to have it hang above Liesel's bed.

Liesel is such a bookworm, and I just loved the design because it could hang in the room of a little girl or a teenager. I happened to receive a 40% off coupon in the mail for a canvas print place so I thought life would be gravy. However, they kept rejecting my order because the pixel size was too small. With time running out on the coupon, I contacted a friend who is a graphic designer and shamelessly begged him to recreate this image in high-resolution for me. I was elated when it came through and I was still able to use the coupon. Just like I had dreamed, it now hangs above her bed. 

It's my favorite part of the whole room! Sooo, much better than how it looked before:

Which was just sad (aside from the headboard which is now in Sydney's room and perfectly echos the shape of her windows).

Opposite the bed, I reworked Liesel's gallery wall. I've never been good at working with lots of color- my comfort zone is just two or three- but I think it turned out OK. I'm sure this wall will evolve as Liesel grows older, but for now this looks pleasant enough,

My personal favorite is the tiny frame filled with actual edelweiss my sister Whitney brought back from Switzerland. 

There were a lot of flat elements on the walls of the room and it was needing a little more dimension. While I was at Hobby Lobby, I picked up some poufs and ended up hanging them in a bare corner. My mom noted they seem particularly fitting next to a quote about stars.

I also hung the floral crown Annie made Liesel for her baptism. 

Eventually we will invest in a couple of nightstands and lamps. I'd also like Liesel to have her own desk with a customized mirror, similar to Ireland's. In the meantime, every time I walk past Liesel's bedroom, I fall in love with it all over again. It's so fresh and light but girly and fun too. I want to just cuddle up on that bed and read a good book! Call me crazy, but the room breathed a sigh of relief to be patched, painted and updated.

Girl Scout Grand Prix

I have a confession to make: it's not often that I find myself wishing we had a little boy. I'm perfectly at home in a world of fluffy dresses, bows and braids. Girls I get. Boys, not so much. But a couple of years ago I found myself at the church one evening when the Boy Scout Pinewood Derby was taking place. Generally speaking, a pinewood derby is just a block of wood with 4 wheels going down a ramp. In a larger sense, there's a bit of craftsmanship that has to take place. A member of our congregation noticed my interest and sidled up to me with a wry smile. 

"You have to have a boy to compete in one of these" he joked. All the questions that had arisen in my mind in the 5 minutes of observation came spilling out. He called over the engineer- that's right, ENGINEER- who built the track and the timing mechanism. I was blown away at how technical it was and stunned by the cars themselves. Suddenly I wished I had a little boy, if only to have an excuse to take part in this quirky little past-time. 

Fate dealt me a sweet hand when it was announced the girl's council was having a Grand Prix. For reasons still unknown to me, Brent vehemently refused to have any part in the whole thing. Maybe he had a traumatic pinewood derby experience as a Boy Scout? Or had a decent one but it exhausted any desire to ever participate again? Maybe with a bunch of girls he'd mentally blocked the possibility? Whatever the case, he made it crystal clear I was going to be on my own. 

That's ok because I was already planning to tap the sage advice of my older brothers who have both made champion cars for their own Boy Scouts. A lot of their suggestions were actually against the rules in this race, but I was able to pick up a bit on the physics of the whole thing. According to my brothers, the cardinal rule is to make 1 more car than you need, so you have a backup and exactly get the weight right up to 5oz. The girls picked out the colors while I sanded, painted and finished the body:

Then, I prepped the wheels by sanding down the axles and the wheels to knock off the burs:

Brigitta actually had to help me with that one since the older two were at school. To Brent's credit, he graciously add graphite to the axles when I was busy trying to get everyone out the door. Technically, he helped out a little bit.

I asked a friend with a treadmill to let me come over and break those wheels in:

This was actually really valuable because I could see if the wheels were askew and then modify the fit of the axles. I tried 3 different methods of weight. All 3 cars had weight running through the body. For Ireland's pink car, I put the extra weight on top, around 1 inch in front of the back axle. For Liesel's, I put weight on the top and on the bottom, again around 1 inch in front of the back axle. I couldn't put it all on the bottom because then it wouldn't sit properly on the track.

The day before the race, we were allowed to test the cars on the track and make sure they made weight and dimension requirements. After seeing which of the 3 was fastest, the girls made their final decisions on their cars. At long last, the day of the race was upon us.

At check in, the girls received a "driver's license" and coupon for the concession stand.

How cute is that???

They had a photo booth with lots of props. In fact, the entire place was decked out in checkered flags. There was a pop-up Girl Scout store and even some crafts for the girls while they waited. The concessions were definitely above average with lots to choose from. The Boy Scout troop leader who ran the computer commented that the place looked nothing like a Boy Scout pinewood derby.

We perused the trophies...

...and the competition...

...and crossed our fingers.

Liesel's car had actually done better than Ireland's in the test run but it was a tad overweight. I don't want to create a scandal or anything, but I do think their scale was off because I weighed those things on a brand-new scale and they were perfectly 5 oz. In any case, we had to take some weight off before the official weigh in. In the end, Ireland's car was the fastest of the two and she won every heat she was in.

Each car raced in all 4 lanes and then the highest time was dropped while the remaining 3 were averaged. The top 10 cars then raced each other in exactly the same manner. Up to this point, I was really happy with how Liesel was handling not being a winner. Maybe I'm a bad mom, but I want my girls to learn that not everything works out the way you want it in life. I'm glad there were just a handful of trophies and not one for everyone. She cheered on her sister and the other girls in the troop.

When Ireland's car made it to the top 10, she got to learn the same lesson as her car was no longer first. She ended up winning 2nd place in her division and I was SO elated to make it to the winner's circle! The overall winner broke track records 3 times (meaning her car beat out all the Boy Scouts who ever raced on this track too). Who runs the world? GIRLS!

My favorite part of the race was when one of the cars fell off the track. The room went quiet as the Girl Scout and her mom were called to the front. As they walked away from the track, I approached her and told her I had an extra car if she wanted to use it. She thanked me and said they just needed to fix a wheel. She hadn't walked another 3 feet away from me when a big, burly guy approached her and told her he had a truck parked outside with every imaginable tool in it. After she walked away from him, another guy approached her offering his help. Everyone wanted that little girl to be able to fix her car and be able to compete again. Sportsmanship at it's finest!

As for me, my pinewood derby dreams were fulfilled and I connected with my dad and brothers in a whole new way. Liesel and Ireland had a blast and that sweet little trophy is going to find an honored spot in the garage.

Best Foot Forward?

I was angry, and I was flustered. Just two days ago I had not just cleaned the kitchen, but deep cleaned the kitchen. Everyone knows when the kitchen has been deep cleaned every effort possible should be made to ensure it stays that way for as long as possible. Still-vivid memories of the sweat trickling down my back as I scrubbed and mopped came to the fore of my mind when I saw it was already getting trashed. 

I muttered my discontent to the girls who were eating breakfast and I stormed around in a fit, determined to conquer (yet again!) the entropy before my eyes. In the midst of all this, I spotted dirty socks laying in the middle of the dining room. Even though we still don't have any furniture in that room, it's the girls' favorite place to romp and play. To be fair, it's also where we've put the karaoke machine and well, we have girls who love to hear their voice over a microphone. Surely Liesel or Ireland had thoughtlessly peeled off her socks before launching into her own version of "Roar" and the fact she hadn't considered that I'd be the one left to clean up just had me seeing red. I snatched up those socks with a vengeance and whipped around to return to the messy kitchen. As I did so, I jammed my left foot right into the edge of the baseboard at the bottom of the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen.

The pain was blinding and I cried out. Immediately the girls demanded over and over to know what happened. I asked them to just let me deal with the pain for a second until I could answer them. I'm a clumsy person, I do stuff like this all the time. But this was different and I knew it instantly. After consulting my sister-in-law and my friend who are nurses, they told me to buddy tape it just in case it was broken. 

I really didn't want to see a doctor because quite frankly, it's such a pain (ha! pun!). But even with the buddy taping, that fourth toe seemed to keep rotating outward, so I finally went in. Turns out it wasn't just a break, but a clean break.

If you look at the 4th toe from the right, then 3rd bone down, you'll see where the bone is completely broken in a sharp diagonal. Luckily I wouldn't need surgery, but I would need time to let it heal. CrossFit was a big no-no. I tried to argue that almost everything we do is powered through the heal. The doctor looked me right in the eye and said, "You can either stay off of this as much as possible and let it heal in 6 weeks, or you can try and push it and it will take 3 months. The decision is yours." I took my stupid velcroed, stiff-soled shoe and left Immediate Care feeling down and dejected.

I refused any prescription medication for the pain, which I really ended up regretting. That night I lay in bed in agony- it felt like someone was stabbing a needle right through my foot. Once I made it through that night, it started to get better but oddly the bruising got worse.

But eventually it got better.

And then worse again in some parts.

Up until then, I never realized how often my children approach me at a run and accidentally step on my feet. I became an expert at balancing on one foot so I could protect the injured one. I desperately missed CrossFit where I'd just started to make some serious progress. I quickly tired of the questions and looking like an idiot in that ugly velcroed, stiff-soled shoe. I was irritated with how much I had to adjust my regular schedule. With Liesel in Girls on the Run, I ached to take in a mile or so with her. Cruelly, the weather was perfect for it. Per doctor's orders, I stayed off of it as much as possible while that toe slowly healed.

I don't think my toe will ever look quite the same but I'm so grateful to be back in running shoes, back in heels, and back in flip flops!