I received the news a friend of mine from my single years in Boston had died. I don't think I could ever adequately describe the incredible person that was Christy Parry because words just don't seem big enough. They can't capture the length and breadth and depth of how kind, loyal, faithful and generous she was. Writing them even now they just seem like a joke. I'm trying to describe the Taj Mahal using Legos. She was magnificent and as much as she loved others, she was loved so very much in return.
It hit me hard. I mean really hard. My parents are not aging well and I often feel I'm drowning from the emotional burden. This may sound callous, but I kind of needed a funeral. Christy and I hadn't stayed close since I left Boston but this niggling feeling deep inside me said I needed to be there. My dear friend Crystal offered to put me up so I found a flight and bought it. As my departure date neared, Crystal updated me on the plans for the service and it seems I wasn't the only one getting that niggling feeling.
Lesson #1- How I Love That Dirty Water
I was seated on the right side of the plane so I got a fantastic view as we circled Boston to land. There it was splayed out in front of me- the waterfront, the Back Bay, the Charles River. My gosh it made me happy to see my old haunts again.
We made another 90* turn and there was Southie- where I used to walk along the beach and wonder about my future.
I didn't know much about Boston before moving there but I knew it was a big, sophisticated city and I needed to grow up and have some adventures. Well, I have to say I picked right because Boston fit me to a T (pun). Rubbing shoulders with the Harvard/MIT crowd and handy access to a large airport, I gained a lot of courage and found myself in Boston. I love the city so much for the role it played in my life.
Lesson #2: There is Joy in Aging
Honestly I was a little worried about not looking my best but obviously true friends don't care about that kind of thing. Everyone was a little fluffier, greyer, and crow's feet were the common accessory.
Lesson #3: You Can Know People Hundreds of Ways
Crystal's life has moved on since I moved away, but she is still so very Crystal. They had just moved to a new home and there were still moving boxes and unfinished projects. Of course Crystal would use a company called Intelligent Labor and Moving.
This note to one of her sons just made me smile. Even with something as unpredictable as children, she's still... I dunno, CRYSTAL! But I got to see her in a different light. Hands down one of the highlights of this trip was seeing her and Chris as parents. She is fantastic and it made me love and admire her even more.
Lesson #4: Time Really Does Heal (Almost) All Wounds
One Sunday I was really struggling and walking down these stairs when Mitt Romney happened to be walking up. Politicians are generally friendly to everyone but on this day perhaps he was having the same kind of day I was because he said nothing to me. I called my sister Reagan crying that even Mitt didn't say hi to me... Mitt!
She's brought that up several times since then in jest and now that I was once again walking down those stairs I had to chuckle. It's funny now.
Lesson #5: Friends are a Gift
We were there very early because Crystal was playing the organ (which she had stayed up past midnight practicing) and they were bringing food for the luncheon after. Having snagged a seat, people started trickling in. No, not just people- dear friends I hadn't seen in far too long.
The pandemic really created some divides and there were friendship breakups that happened. In retrospect, I see how good that was for me and I realized there are some people I just felt I was a constant disappointment to and who gossiped behind my back. As the saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
Seeing so many friendly faces who take me exactly as I am and are cheering me on now and always was much-needed balm of Gilead. I felt so buoyed to be among these good people again.
My old Bishop and his sweet wife seem even wiser now as I move into the stage of life they were at when I lived in Boston. So many people mentioned my Christmas cards and that warmed the cockles of my heart.
Lesson #6: Cry When You Need To
During the service I bawled and bawled and bawled. There were around 400, some who had flown in from Oregon, New Mexico, Utah, Germany and Italy. Our small ward is thin on singing, so when the opening hymn came with thunderous voices joining in perfect harmony, my entire body was filled to the brim with the Spirit. Oh how I have missed good music!
Afterward, everyone else headed to the luncheon and I headed to the temple for some much-needed solitude. I found a bench around the back and there let out all my mourning and sorrows in heaving sobs and a torrent of tears. I mourned not just Christy but death and decay and my parents and loss and endings and feelings of hopelessness. I don't think I have ever cried that hard in my life. My head pounded and my heart hurt but it was good.
I walked the temple grounds before heading back. This is where I became a temple worker and really committed those covenants and ordinances to memory. It was cathartic and nostalgic all at once.
Christy's sister was there. She looked a lot like her and even though she didn't know me, she squeezed my shoulder as she walked by. It was like she knew I really needed it and man did I ever! Christy was cremated and several people have agreed to secretly spread her ashes in different museums around the world she had visited and loved. How cool is that? There were bookshelves set up with an invitation to take a few so I grabbed a couple I knew and one I did not.
All those who had come from the Longfellow Park wards.
The rest of the day was spent hanging out with different groups of friends. We went for a walk to the old Longfellow Park building and by the Charles. It was like being in a dream. Those places are so familiar yet so strange to me now since my lens of life has changed so drastically.
The discussions were so different as well. We all used to be so worried about finding that eternal companion and starting our families. Everyone has that in hand now in one way or another. Our worries have changed and they are somehow deeper and heavier. I found we got down to those deep and heavy conversations at lightning speed. I dunno, maybe as we age we eschew the tendency to tap dance around the real issue. We talked real and sincere and hugged and cried some more.
Crystal played Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on the organ in the way only Crystal can. My gosh I love that girl. I want to have her in my life forever. We stayed up until almost 3AM talking and crying and talking some more. Bra's off, laying in bed just chatting. That's the kind of friend she is. The you-don't-need-a-bra-around-me kind of friend. And those are the best. I'm an introvert and an entire day of talking to so many people left me depleted. But I wanted to talk to Crystal just a little bit more.
She's the kind of girl who plays an organ version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. That's Crystal.
I thought I hated my single years. But now it hit me how I really found my tribe here back then. I discovered the person I wanted to be. Now I realize my single years were so precious and golden. Going to Boston for Christy's service was the best decision I've made in a long time because I found myself again. It was truly beauty from ashes.
I always say we are busy but perhaps a glance at our color-coded calendar illustrates this best. It's my own doing- I want the girls to have full lives with lots of different experiences. Sometimes it really comes back to bite me as I fall into bed completely exhausted from the day's demands.
Love this license plate!
Me: Is THAT your dinner?!?!
Gita: NO! dadhasntmadedinneryet. It's my dessert.
Started work and found Sydney had organized my desk for me! Now THAT'S my love language!
Brigitta wrote all her events on her wrist so she wouldn't forget- pretty ingenious!
Ireland developed a nasty upper respiratory infection. She couldn't breathe and she had an ear infection- all which came to the fore when she was right in the middle of dress rehearsal for Mary Poppins. We thought we'd try the hospital nearby that just opened up only to find Immediate Care goes to a trailer on the side. They don't have a very good pediatric unit and while they were able to subscribe her the meds she needed, getting registered and entering insurance information took an age. Oh, and Brent was out of town- of course. To cheer Ireland up I tried making a balloon animal from a plastic glove. I told her it's a narwhal.
Tell me it's senior assassin week without telling me it's senior assasin week...
Temple trip! It was actually Brigitta's first which I feel a little bad about since Brent and I try to make their first trip really special. Luckily, Liesel was on hand to guide Gita around.
Have you ever seen an accident so bad the transmission is knocked out of the car? Two teenagers stumbled out of this vehicle and it seems everyone was ok.
Ireland worked really hard on the middle school's production of Mary Poppins Jr. The choreographer could only get them started because she was also working on the high school production of Shrek: The Musical. Those who were good at memorizing the steps and formations were then in charge of teaching it to everyone else. Ireland really dedicated herself to it and came home many a night, frustrated with kids who wouldn't listen.
Kick your heels up, step in time!
After watching Mary Poppins, I realized how terrible the British were at raising their children. Ireland ended up having a lot of fun and she really was the cutest little chimney sweep.
An incredible night sky...
...and another.
I listened to the audiobook of Evergreen by Lydia Millen and loved it so much, I had to own a hardcopy. It arrived around the same time I became a fan of fresh flowers at Trader Joes. I'm no florist, but I started trying my hand at different arrangements and this first one made my heart sing!
I really didn't need the greenery in the middle- it made the whole thing too fat. But now I know!
Another attempt. Eventually I spread out the thistle and it looked much better but again, I'm learning!
Come down the Taylor Swift rabbit hole with me. This pop up was released ahead of her new album The Tortured Poet's Department.
Swifties are adept at hunting for Easter eggs and someone wrote this: At the front of the library is a table with a typewriter, and a desktop calendar with "Friday December 13." Fans will know right away that Dec. 13 is Swift's birthday, but she wasn't born on a Friday. 2024's December 13 does fall on a Friday, which is why some fans believe this date could be hinting at when the next re-recorded album will drop. It could be Taylor Swift (Taylor's Version), Reputation (Taylor's Version), or even a double album release where she finally takes back her reputation and her name.
Then a woman posted on TikTok about how that little desktop calendar was actually available at Target for a reasonable price. Whoosh- those things flew off the shelf. Whitney was desperate to get her hands on one which were all sold out in her area so she started looking at the Targets near mine. She had given up but then I took up the hunt and after going to 3 different Targets I found one was listed as IN STOCK.
It just so happens when I walked in there was some kind of management meeting at the front of the store. I decided to approach all the red-shirt clad employees and ask if they knew anything about it. Two of them accepted the challenge and looked absolutely, positively EVERYWHERE! While I staked out a spot where the desktop calendar was supposed to be, I talked to a guy who wanted to get it for his girlfriend. She actually had it in her cart at a different Target but it disappeared before she could pay. He saw the one listed at this one and like me, thought he would try his luck. Eventually he gave up and four more people came by, looking for it after him.
It couldn't be found so I reluctantly gave my phone number to them. I had almost reached my car in the parking lot when I received a call. THEY FOUND IT!!! It was with a pile of other items waiting to be reshelved. I ran back in the store like a maniac and met them at the registers. We had to take a photo to celebrate the moment:
I was so excited to facetime Whitney and tell her I had done it, I had found the elusive desktop calendar that was truly sold out everywhere! It was such a triumph!!! I also made sure to leave a very glowing review with that Target and named these intrepid employees specifically. Honestly? They could have pretended not to find it and then sold it on eBay for a mint but they really came through. I'm so grateful for kind and honest people.
Speaking of Taylor Swift- Sydney was invited to a Swiftie birthday party and she made her own t-shirt and everything. She was so excited to be a part of it!
Brigitta made a beautiful dandelion bracelet and was all aglow showing it to me. Love that girl.
This duck had been sitting on the dock for several hours acting like he owned the place. After picking Ireland up, I told her I'd give her a dollar if she'd chase him away and she was happy to do it.
Liesel's 16th birthday was all about redemption. On the actual day, she was flying home from California with Ireland. A few days later, she got her traditional breakfast in bed.
She did tell Brent the cake she wanted but he could only find it in a small size. At the last minute he realized we were low on candles. It was pretty sad. We sang all the songs but I was visibly annoyed and that got to her and she ended up bursting into tears. She didn't want to sound ungrateful, but this for a 16th birthday? We could do better for our sweet girl.
Luckily, 16th birthdays aren't all about cake! After logging twice the required driving hours, Liesel asked to practice parking on hills just one more time before going for her license. She was ready for her road test.
I have never, in my entire life, seen a DMV with absolutely, positively, NO line. She was off to a good start!
As she breezed back into the DMV with her instructor, she whispered, "Mom I passed!" and suddenly the people around me were giving me a wry smile. She looked so young, so happy, so hopeful. I dug out the edelweiss keychain her Aunt Whitney picked up years and years ago on a trip to Switzerland and then I fought to get a 3rd key fob for the Pilot. She was licensed and ready to go.
We aren't going into debt for a new car or whisking her off on a trip to Paris like some parents in this area do to mark a 16th birthday. However we wanted to do something that would give her a nod to impending adulthood while keeping a watchful eye on her. Brent and I settled on a night in a super fancy hotel in downtown Chicago- The Langham. Brent and I had the adjoining room so we were right there just in case. Honestly? I'VE never stayed in a hotel that nice! The kind with slippers and robes and knowing it was Liesel's birthday they had chilled sparkling cider, water and a cake in a jar for her with a lovely hand-written card.
We had the cake covered. Eager to make up for the previous cake, I overcompensated and ordered what ended up being a HUGE cake (it didn't look that big in pictures online!) and tons of long candles. I really went berserk on the candles and I ordered cream as well as multi colored. We should not run out of candles for the rest of all birthdays in this house. Ever.
I bought her a sash and a tiara that said Sweet 16. I had a bag of decorations for her friends to do up the room and they did.
I wish I'd gotten a picture of the pool because it was really gorgeous with sparkling lights in the ceiling. The girls loved their own robes and just basking in some luxury.
Brent and I enjoyed ourselves as well. We recreated Meghan Markle's photo in our robes.
The next morning I went for an early morning walk along the river, all the way to Lake Michigan
I loved the signs at a CVS near the Langham.
Chicago was just bursting with blooms! Look at these displays!
There were real flowers too- tulips all up and down Michigan Ave.
We just brought in pizzas for dinner but let the girls order room service for breakfast. Check out that spread! Somehow the little tray of different jams just makes me smile.
Liesel and her friends went to the pool again, did a little shopping, went to a record store and then went to the Chicago Art Institute. Driving home, every one of them fell asleep. Liesel's Sweet 16 may have had a rough start, but it ended really well and she has some sweet memories to hold forever!
One of the best parts of having a cousin your age? Shopping and wardrobe swapping!
We definitely need to get these three together more often!
Facial masks with Aunt Julie.
Back to the park with some cousins. The crowd had thinned out so it wasn't so crazy and hectic as it was the previous Sunday with everyone hanging out. This was a much more chill crowd.
Lots of one on one time with little Vera.
I never would have thought Ezra would have any interest in his older, female cousins, but he loved hanging out with them!
