My Calling With MoTab

There's something about those early morning nursings that lead me to think about my life, the direction it is headed and what I hope to accomplish in the future. I've considered over and over how I will make my mark on the world and have decided I have found it: I will become the new stylist for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Although their music is heavenly, audiences are required to overlook the fact that the women are consistently dressed in nothing more than brightly colored garbage bags. Granted the garbage bags are often topped with some pleats... or chunky pearls... or maybe even mildly interesting material but they are nonetheless hideously ugly and BO-RING!!! While I'm all for modesty, I think we can do a tad bit better than letting their heads float above these outfit monstrosities. Despite the fact many of these ladies are just a hop, skip and tra la laaa away from collecting social security checks I think they have bodies under there somewhere. Not that I'm suggesting we start showing skin... heavens no. Like many LDS people I too believe "modest girls are the hottest girls" but they needn't look like they're just missing their burkas for a trip to the Middle East. I remember one conference where the women wore fuchsia pink blouses with ginormous bows in the front with navy blue skirts! *shudders* I can still see them...

As soon as I take the helm I'll begin shouting orders. Vests! They're not just for men anymore and even if you don't have a waist they make it LOOK like you do! We are all going to learn the word "bodice" and not create a single outfit that doesn't have one! Dare I suggest some classy belts? Empire cuts! Princess seams! PATTERNS!!! Who ever complained about a good plaid? I want some ombre and I want it now! Let's look at some finely tailored brocade jackets and flowing A-line skirts. Here's a thought, not everyone has to wear the same color! Why not sprinkle a few colors throughout the choir? Polygamy lady in the soprano section must commit to either cut her hair or wear it back during broadcasts. Three-quarters length sleeves... it's STILL modest ladies! I want some elegant little black dresses with boatneck collars and lace overlay! Let's take a look at some Jackie O, Bill Blass and Carolina Herrera. YES!!! Hair and make-up? Can we try something other than the grey-haired Aqua Net football helmet? For this year's Christmas concert we will be wearing soft, fuzzy, angora sweaters and smart-looking pleated skirts. Now let's head to the Polynesian Cultural Center for a concert because I have some hibiscus print fabric I just HAVE to use and you'd better believe the chunky pearls will be tossed for some fresh plumeria behind the ear. Oooooh I can just see it now! Carson Daley has NOTHING on me!!! Okay, so do you think they'll hire me?