That's the Way to Go

A week ago my company had layoffs. Aside from the uptick in gossip and paranoia, the effect of all this has me thinking about how I'd like to make my exit. Obviously I hope to stay in my job as long as possible. It took me a long time to get where I am and I truly love my job. However, if I have to go I hope they send me out Tyra Banks style on ANTM. I imagine it would go something like this:
I have two associates standing before me but only one paycheck in my hand. Let's take you first Danika. You're the beauuuuuutiful girl with the color-coded outlook calendar and perfectly organized task list. Other client managers look at you and think, "Damn! I had no idea a spreadsheet could be used that way." You consistently receive rave reviews from your clients. But the company thinks we can't afford your salary anymore. (that last sentence would be said very slowly for dramatic effect).

*I would then nod silently while pathetic tears fill my eyes*

Then there's you Bob from ISD. Mr Jay tells me you haven't showered in a week which tells the panel you don't really care much about this job. Your lack of innovation made Danika's world a very hard place to be at times. She had to explain to her clients why the system wasn't working properly and why their students wouldn't get their disbursements as planned. This is something that didn't just happen once, it happened time and time again. (that last sentence would be said almost in a whisper for dramatic effect).

*Bob's probably never seen ANTM and has no idea what's going on so his eyes fly wildly all over the room trying to compute it all*

So who stays? The girl with the stellar reviews? Or the superfluous stinky guy? (Okay, so Tyra's never used the word superfluous but work with me here)

Then they'd drop the bomb. If I go, I get to make final comments through a shower of tears about how much I appreciated the opportunity to work for the company and how it just inspired me to be better. Then I'd promise this wouldn't be the last you'd see of me. I'd also figure out a way to disconnect the ice machine for all those people who hogged it all while I was employed there. If I get to stay, they'd tell me I'm still in the running to be America's Next Student Assistant. It'd almost be worth getting laid off if they'd do it like that!