A New Calling

Oh wow... how to even start with this one. Hmmmmm, well let's start with the evening Bishop extended the call for me to teach Sunday School to the 17 year olds. As he described the class (all boys) I felt more and more lost. I expressed my concern that I am the mother of 4 tiny daughters and my world is ribbons, tulle skirts and fancy hairdos. Bishop looked me in the eye and expressed his confidence that this was the right call for me. Ooohkay then, I decided to move forward with faith. 

Bishop was right. As I eased into teaching these boys, I came to love them for their individuality, their honesty, and their testimonies. I looked forward to every Sunday and while I had some lessons that were wins and others that were misses, we grew close as a class. The four boys I began with in September were supposed to move up in January but I begged Bishop to let me keep them. He gave me a wry smile when I made the request and I blushed remembering all my initial hesitations. 

During General Conference weekend, Bishop stopped by to extend another call- this time as Young Women President. My heart sank and I out and out sobbed at the thought of no longer teaching my boys. As Brent and I talked it over, we agreed it would be good for me to really get to know the Young Women organization inside and out before my own girls are old enough to attend. My boys were all graduating from high school and headed out to college and missions in a few months anyway. It's not like I could be with them forever. So I tearfully accepted the call after negotiating an extra week to stay with my class.

Today I was released and sustained as Young Women President. Headed to my class to teach one last time, I was stopped every few feet with hugs, congratulations and words of encouragement from members of our ward. I had a wonderful final lesson. The boys all gave a one sentence testimony of the gospel starting with, "I know..." The Spirit was thick and for the millionth time in the past month, I cried. I told them that the Lord had blessed our family with four wonderful, intelligent, humorous, entertaining, beautiful little girls who are my heart and soul. That said, we will never have sons. Looking around the room at these young men, I thanked them for being my boys. This time I wasn't alone in my weeping; a couple of them wiped away tears.

This is the photo we took just after class. I would walk through fire for each and every one of those boys. 

By this time, my emotions were rubbed down to a completely raw and exposed nerve. I had cried my weight in tears. I didn't think I could handle giving each boy an individual hug so I demanded a group hug instead. Just rip off the band-aid, I thought. Then those boys tightly surrounded me in the most tender group hug I've ever been until I was literally encircled about by love. Brent caught this photo for which I am forever grateful.

It felt wrong to just leave. But again, I couldn't follow them around forever. So in the weeks leading up to my release as Sunday School teacher, I decided to make them a CD of songs that have meant a lot to me at different points in my life. I figured maybe they could help them at some point too. Here is the list:

1.  Geronimo by Sheppard For when you need to summon your courage: So it’s here I stand as a broken man but I’ve found my friend at the curtains of the waterfall.

2. Vienna (SMASH Cast Version) [feat Christian Borle]For when you are impatient:  Where’s the fire? What’s the hurry about? You’d better cool it off before you burn it out.

3. Love Stinks by The J. Geils Band For when you are heartbroken: This thing they call love, it’s gonna make you cry.

4. Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears For when you are craving popcorn: Welcome to your life; there’s no turning back.

5. Man in the Mirror (acoustic) by James Morrison For when you’re tired of the status quo: If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

6. Say by John Mayer For when you’re finding your voice: Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken; even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open.

7. I Want to Break Free by Queen

For when you are breaking hearts: I can’t get over the way you love me like you do, but I have to be sure when I walk out that door, oh how I want to be free.

8. Will You Be There by Michael Jackson For when God feels far away: Everyone's taking control of me; seems that the world's got a role for me. I'm so confused; will you show to me you'll be there for me and care enough to bear me?

9. Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds to Mars For when you wonder where you fit in: We were the kings and queens of promise.

10. Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World For when you are feeling alone: May angels lead you in…

11. It’s My Life (remix) by Bon Jovi For when you are procrastinating: It’s now or never; I ain’t gonna live forever. I just wanna live while I’m alive.

12. The Never Ending Story by Miu Sakamoto For when you need an eternal perspective: Given in the light, written on the pages is the answer to a never ending story.

13. Love You ‘Till the End by The Pogues For when you’ve found “The One”: I just want to be there when the morning light explodes on your face, it radiates.

14. Bella’s Finals: Price Tag/Don’t You (Forget About Me)/Give Me Everything/Just the Way You Are/Party In the USA/Turn the Beat Around by The Barden Bellas—Pitch Perfect (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)For when you want to reminisce: Don’t you forget about me.

Even if my boys hate this music and the CDs end up in a garbage somewhere, it was something I felt strongly compelled to do. When I'd said goodbye to my last student, I ugly cried all over the shoulder of Brent's suit: melting makeup, gasping sobs and even a little drool. My heart literally ached. Then I wiped my eyes, took a few deep breaths and headed off to Young Women.

In many ways, I feel like Young Women is the sorority that I can't seem to pledge to because I've never been asked to serve there. All of my girlfriends and female relatives have taken a turn (and loved it!) but for some reason, it's an organization in the church that has eluded me. I'm utterly terrified- I'm still fairly new to the ward so I don't know everyone yet, I know almost no one at the stake level, I have a vague (and that's being generous) idea of how things work, but for the most part I am lost, lost, lost. When I mentioned this to Bishop, he just looked me in the eye and expressed his confidence. Ooohkay then... moving forward with faith. 

Flowers from my sister-in-law Vanessa after I told her how terrified I was of being Young Women President. In the card she told me I would rock this. Love that girl.