Fine

Ireland's annual checkup with her pulmonary specialist was a little more emotionally charged than I was prepared for it to be. Due to a combination of factors, she had a major asthma attack the night before. If she hadn't had the appointment the next day, I would have taken her in to the ER because her inhaler just wasn't cutting it. She tossed and turned the whole night and I listened to her raspy breathing and checked the time over and over. Not our first time at the rodeo. 

Asthma is a disease of the night. Something about laying down makes the breathing so much worse. I knew once she was up for the day she'd feel better but even so, her lungs were only working at 84% capacity by the time we got to the hospital. Just as I was hoping, she got the treatment she needed and we all reminded ourselves we are just not out of the woods on her yet. Most people grow out of their asthma. Ireland has a ways to go.

I've spent so much of this pandemic trying to understand other perspectives and trying to be kind. You don't believe masks work? That's fine. You feel the vaccine was developed too fast? Totally fine. You don't think this is a public health issue but a personal choice? OK fine. You look down on me for isolating my children and avoiding crowds who feel differently than me? Fine... it's fine. You won't be the one sitting next to my child in the hospital watching her struggle to breath. FINE. So far we are fine. Ireland is fine and I'm fine... it's all just FINE!!!!! The stress, the strain, the anxiety, the vitriol that all feels like a personal attack. Does anyone out there care if my child has a respiratory disease and Covid-19 is a virus that specifically attacks the respiratory system? Like, maybe she could die? Anyone? Crickets then? FINEFINEFINEFINEFINE!!! We will do it ourselves since you clearly don't see the worth of my child. I'll quietly listen to you talk about how maybe it's better these people die and how this is a hoax and sanitizing hands is just hygiene theater and keep my opinion to myself. I'm not here to argue, I'm just trying to protect my child. Okay, it's not fine. It's not. But I will quietly keep the course because I know I won't change your mind and all your anger and hatred won't change mine.

I didn't realize it when we walked in, but all that was weighing on me after a really rough night. After the usual battery of tests and getting her directives updated for school, we were waiting on refills and snuck up to the top floor for this amazing view. This is where they bring the children during football games and everyone in the stadium waves to them. For me this is symbolic of the entire pandemic. Most of those people waving have absolutely no idea what those children inside are going through. They will wave for a moment and go back to their football while the children fight the real fight and while their parents sit by their beds to witness it all. Either you get it or you don't. Those behind the glass get it- the kids, the medical staff, the parents. Most of those in the stadium just don't.

We didn't want to be too conspicuous (seriously, there were lots of signs stating it was closed) but we snuck some photos with this incredible mosaic.

I snapped a quick pic of that amazing view where we could see for miles and miles away. Then we headed down to pick up her much-needed medication. Humor in the medical community is really hit or miss so when I asked the pharmacist if the prednisolone would give her super-human strength, I was delighted when she responded, "Oh absolutely!"

Afterward, Ireland and I decided to try the St Burch Tavern for lunch. Ireland has been through a lot in this pandemic. Hopefully we have sheltered her from the angry naysayers, but she's missed out and masked up and waited patiently for her turn to get the vaccine. I was exhausted and just wanted a yummy meal- and oh boy is that what we got! 

Ireland ordered the seafood mac which has king crab, gulf shrimp, veloute and fine herbs.

If ever there was a comfort food, this was it. We sat outside, sanitized our hands and took a load off for a hot minute. Ireland wasn't back to 100% yet but we had the tools to help her get over this latest asthma attack. While we ate we discussed better last names she might marry into. I was rather charmed by Ireland Kelly, Ireland Scott and Ireland Skye.

 So don't worry about her, I'll make sure that in spite of everything, she'll be fine.